can't hide my mood
it comes off rude
every time
i make a sour face
because i can't retrace the feelings i used to map in my mind
they would crawl into my soul
threatening to invade my insides
they would show a ghost all alone
finally finding their lonely bones
and that soul
reunited
i am so alone that i can hardly remember these little feelings
the bad ones even felt good
i am having trouble putting this feeling into words
so i turn
on space song
and remember the one who awoke my lonely soul
i hate him every know and then
but how i love you so
and you will never read these words
and you will never know
i'm
a sad excuse for a valentine
i'm sad
i'm always sad
well, alright
that's fine
i like being sad
reminds me of how strong i am
because despite little reason to move forward
my body still persists on
my mind is gone
but my body still pushes me forward
i try to not be so emotional about it
but the emotions fill me up
i used to be half gone filled cup
i'm half full but damn
halfway is not enough
doesn't matter which way you put the analogy
i still hate my anatomy
but oh, i love me
i love me in so many ways it's disgusting to say
you wouldn't believe my hands
if you saw how much they love me sometimes
i hate me though
but i don't want anyone else to want me
i guess that's the lie i tell myself to fill the numbness i can't erase
all this because of some guys?
damn
i guess i get so triggered i forget my own place
that i'm bigger than the whole world and outer space
that i can rise above it all and never fall
but somehow during a weak moment in the day
i just can't seem to find a reason for being
it just keeps going and going
the day drones on mercilessly and i can't seem to find or see a moment of peace
it feels like i'm dead
so i may as well kill me
just kidding
i need to heal me
but sometimes death is healing
i wish i could explain this feeling
i wish someone knew
i try to ignore the fact that the hope is back
but hope never pursued me
hope withdrew in me
the hope i once knew in me
i wish that i could love every human that didn't want to love me
this is the supple part of my existence
the part that is covered in dew drops and colored mint green
would he?
will he?
probably not
this isn't a movie
and the script i forgot
i was never really good at writing those anyways
but i can write these
to my little hopes
from my little dreams
hope is somewhere
and i am forever searching
wondering why i lose touch so easily
why it starts and what it means to me
this part of my life is somewhat serene
that was a light switch in a dark amber room
not worth disturbing
because the light will come back on again some day
i don't really need to worry about that
but i remember i used to be the same way
i used to hope to raise my tone to be heard from a heart unknown
that maybe someone might find it and pick it up
i just wanted someone to be curious about me i think
i don't seem to peak curiosity
my memory must be fleeting
invisible on most days but somehow people still see me
sza said something about the fear of being perceived
i don't fear it
i just wonder what they'd think
if i didn't know me
i wouldn't know what to see in me either
maybe that she's too quiet
she never smiles
she seems lost in her mind
nah that's too much empathy
like many others
i'd deem me invisible
and forget everything
but forgetting me
is that something you'd do?
am i invisible too?
we'll see
and i'll take it as a test
what does he perceive?
i know it shouldn't matter
i know it shouldn't
