in your eyes
love has died
in his arms
lust has died
i feel no option
i feel no inclination
i just want to be better
but i don't know how to say it
too sensitive for the world
too much to handle
an uncontrolled girl
i don't know what kind of person i am
or what it makes me
but i do know that i don't like the direction we're heading
the poison has already got me but I found a remedy
but you don't believe me
so you keep poisoning yourself
as if it would help
while i plead to a God he forgets to pray to
and most of all
i pray that God finds you
and keeps you safe in his watch
i pray that God will be everything we humans cannot
i just want to be in an environment that's safe and secure
like i want to be sure that we will be okay
but some days
i wait and i wait
to feel nothing at all
not when you kiss me not when you hug me not when you miss me not when you love me
your soul feels half empty
i can see you've lost interest in me
and it makes me feel unseen
i just want to be happy
but it feels like happiness is something you do not see in me
i have these problems and it seems they bother you, but they bother me more to inconvenience other people for my lack of neurotypicality
big word for neuro adjacent
a brain made different
a brain that wanders and overthinks
a brain paranoid and cannot sleep
just a brain overwhelming me
i see you get used and tossed over so many times
like a child gone wild
unwanted looking for somewhere to hide
it's okay to say that it hurts
it's okay to feel upset inside
but i never thought you'd choose to push me away
i always wanted to help you
i only wanted you to change
change for the better
be better
do better
so we can be happy together
but writing my feelings never seems to come across right
I go to sleep crying just so i don't have to bother you
it's funny
because you hate feeling like a bother too
that feeling when it feels like that person could care less if you stayed, left, or never talked again
that feeling when it's like "nothing I say matters"
"my words don't matter" is the feeling i get
someone told me once that they did
so in your face
you'll never be able to make me change
i will never shut up
i cannot minimize myself to love you
i am a good caring person
and you don't deserve me
you deserve people like them
that only know how to drink, dance and party
you just lose all sight of what's in front of you
when the world is blinding you
this is not what God would want
and you should know that
God would never approve of this kind of living
you're surrounded by poison.
there's poison everywhere
i am trying so hard to save you
but you just keep slipping away
blinded by other things you think you need
when the only thing you really ever needed
was love
so i try to love you even when you don't want it
i try to love you even though I can see you're blinded by the world
i am only interested in being a Godly kind of girl
I want you to know that I'm sorry if I leave you
and I want you to know
that you should never treat anyone else the way you treated me
you string people in so easily
you're a lonely soul
and you suck the life out of people that only want to give you grace
you're greedy
you steal, kill, and break
you destroy people
but apparently I do too
but funnily enough
i've only heard that from you
