there are butterflies in my chest
not the happy kind
the kind that makes you want to erase and reset
everything that you are
it isn't safe here anymore
is what i keep saying to myself
still i went back for more
hoping that a man would change
that a man could not remain
abusive
abuse is
his name
and i claimed him so no other woman or man would fall for his tricks
because they don't know how messed up he gets
he is
a monster
i tried to love a monster
now i truly know what pain is
isolated in a world that no longer had color within
i tried my best to make him happy
i forgot what happiness even meant
i sold my soul to him
i gave all my world to him
i thought that he would understand
that you can be good
but he hasn't been
he doesn't even know what being good is
eventually i blame myself
i say it's all my fault
that i deserve the abuse
that i can't run away
that I have to stay
because he bonds with me in ways no man has
that's not true
it's just not true
I've been blinded
even i fell for his tricks yet again
he is no different
he is a bad person
