call it what you want

Chapter 23

Jackson

As I breathe her in and fucking sob like a baby. A couple of minutes, I finally peel myself away from her.

As soon as I do, I miss the warm contact.

She doesn't say anything as I stretch my arms and take some breaths in.
I let one final exhale out before I take a step back to the wall and sink myself down.

I feel so heavy, like there's weights on both of my shoulders.

I put my hands on my knees and just fucking stare at the other wall.
I'm so fucking exhausted.

I sniff my nose and wipe my eyes a little.

"I'll get you some water," Ameeriah says lowly as she makes her way over to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water.
She hands me the bottle and sinks down to sit beside me.

We don't talk for a little bit. Just listening to each other's breath.

She finally breaks the silence. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah I mean, I don't really know what that was, I've never had anything like that happen to me before."
"No I mean about what your sister told you. Are you okay?"

My mind shifts back to the conversation I had with my sobbing sister through the phone.
Jackson you can't tell mom, please you can't tell her, this is going to destroy her. Promise me you won't tell her.

For a split second I forgot that it happened.
I was so caught up in whatever the fuck just happened that I completely forgot about it.
But now that I've remembered? Fuck, it hurts.

"I don't know," I finally reply back.

"How did your sister find out?"
I sigh before I try and remember exactly what my sister told me.

"She was playing music on his phone and he got a message and so she clicked on it."
Ameeriah exhales and I can tell she feels so bad.

"Message after message after message." I shake my head. "How the fuck can he do this to my mom? She's done everything for him. Literally fucking everything."

My mom is a saint.
She stayed at home so she could be there for us. Cooked three meals a day, made sure the house was spotless, was there for his every command. And that slimy son of a bitch does this? With someone we knew? With someone who's house I was over almost every week of high school? Literally what the fuck.

"Jackson I know this isn't gonna help, but I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how bad this hurts and I can't take away what you're feeling, but I'm here. Like literally if you ever need me, ever."

"I do need you," I whisper.

"Then I'm here," she says as she puts a hand onto my thigh before moves her hand over to where my hand is sitting on my lap and grabs it.

She lowers her head onto my shoulder and I can smell the shampoo off of her hair.
Fuck she feels good.

We just kinda sit there like that. I don't really even know how long.
Listening to her breath and feeling the warmth of her on me.

"Will you stay with me?" I whisper, hoping that she's not asleep yet.
"Of course," she whispers back immediately.

"Let's go to my room," I say as I start to move to get up.
The last thing I need is for Wes to walk in and see us. I don't even remember what day it it, I don't remember when he said he was gonna be back.

"Okay," she whispers back as she follows me to my room and I shut the door.

The room is dark and the only light is shining from under the door.
I can only see the outline of her.

"I'm so tired," I say.

"You can take the bed, I'll grab a blanket and sleep on the floor," I say lowly, and I don't know why I'm whispering because there's no one else home.

"What? No that's ridiculous I'll sleep on the floor, this is your bed."
"Ameeriah I'm not letting you sleep on the floor," I say as I move to grab the extra blanket off my bed.

"What no I—" As soon as I go to grab the blanket, she moves to try and grab it herself, and in doing so, she slightly trips herself and stumbles a bit.

Before I even know what I'm doing, I grab onto her waist to stable her before she completely falls into me.

"Sorry I—" she says quietly, but drifts off.
Our faces are so fucking close.

I can't really see her, but I feel her warmth just from being so close, my hands still placed on her waist.
We don't move or talk for a second. I can just feel her breathing through her nose as we just look at each other.

"We can share," she whispers.
"Hm?" I mumble back because I can't fucking think straight right now, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.

"The bed," she swallows, "it's a big bed, we can share."

"Are you sure?"
I can see the outline of her nodding her head.
"Okay," I whisper.

But neither of us move.
Her chest is still on mine, I'm holding her waist and our faces centimeters apart. Not even.

I'm literally about to lose my fucking mind.

"Okay," she whispers backs but doesn't move. "We should probably go to bed now."
"Probably," I whisper back, but I can't think of anything fucking else right now but her in my arms and her not moving and the light tropical scent that coming off of her.

"Okay yeah let's go," she says one final time before peeling herself off and moving towards the bed.

She gets under the covers before awkwardly looking towards me.
"Are you gonna move..?" She questions softly before I realize that I haven't moved a muscle yet.

"Yeah sorry," I say as I snap back to reality. "Got distracted."

"Your parents?" She asks softly as I climb into the queen sized bed beside her.

"Something like that," I respond.

✧∘* ೃ ⋆｡˚.
Thanks for reading!

Again, hopefully I'm doing the pov of a panic attack at least *some* justice. I can only base it on my experiences but they are genuinely EXHAUSTING