call it what you want

Chapter 39

Ameeriah

"You ready?" Jackson asks me as he grabs mine and his bag to stay at his parents for the weekend.

"Are you ready?"
"Hell no," he says as he plants a kiss on my forehead as I walk by him.

"It'll be fine," I say as we walk out of his apartment door.

We're driving down to his parents house this weekend. I don't even think anything major is happening, it's just probably gonna be so awkward because he hasn't been home since Christmas break whenever his dad asked his mom for a divorce completely out of the blue.

I think his parents house is about two hours away from campus.
We're taking his car and when we get in Jackson gets a little quiet.

"You good?" I kinda laugh to ease the awkwardness.
"No yeah I'm just," he gulps and takes a pause. He keeps his eyes facing forward instead of looking at me which is unusual.

"Do you think I should have went up there sooner?" He turns his head to look at me. "Like am I an asshole for just leaving and not going back?"

"No Jackson," I exhale. His eyes are so filled with guilt. "That was a big deal, you had to cope in your own way." I pause. "And if that meant you not being up there then that's that."

"My sister's couldn't leave," he sighs. All three of them go to a university by their house, so they all live at home. "I should of been there," he says as he rubs his hands over his face.

I grab his wrist to pull them away from his face. "Dude no," I shake my head. "You had to go back to college, you couldn't go back."

"I could've on the weekends." And instead I fucking fell in—" he pauses and puts the car into drive. "Sorry," he exhales. "Let's just go," he says quietly and we start driving.

The car ride is pretty quiet. The quiet hum of the music, Innocent by Taylor Swift, is playing low in the background.
Jackson's staring straight at the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

He's deep in thought, and every time I turn to look at his hands, his fists turn a whiter shade as he's holding onto the wheel.

"Is there a reason why you're so anxious about going back?" I ask quietly.
He doesn't respond for a second, just takes a breath preparing his response.
"You know you can talk to me," I whisper.

He scrunches his brows slightly. "Yeah," he exhales without even thinking about it. "Meeriah I think you're the only person I wanna talk to," he kinda laughs.

He shakes his head slightly and rolls his eyes a little. "I honestly don't even know why I'm nervous to go back." He pauses. "I think it just happened at the worst time where I was going back to college and I just didn't wanna have to deal with all of it and just wanted to get over it myself without having to constantly be there for my sisters and mom which when I say out loud makes me feel like shit," he says quietly.

"There's nothing even special about this trip," he says quickly. "I'm literally just going back for the weekend like I've done a hundred times but it's just the first time I've been back since I found out about the divorce and my dad moved out and the fucking cheating and just," he sighs to slow himself down. "I don't know."

"I don't think it's gonna be as bad as you think it's gonna be," I say back. "But, if it is, then it's only one night."
He nods his head and take a breath.

˖ ࣪✦

We pull into the drive way and there's a two story brown bricked house sitting in front.
One of the rooms on the second story has a small balcony in front of the door leading outside.