One Letter Two Words

Chapter 7

The ride in the car was silent, it wasn't the usual comfortable silence you two were used to, it was an awkward silence. None of you wanting to break it trying to spare the pain of the uncomfortable conversation ahead. He keeps glancing over to you decided whether he should be the one to bring it up. He just wanted to protect you, it was his instincts at this point, but he also started to think maybe it was something else, he has no right telling anyone who you can, can't, should or shouldn't date. You're your own woman after all but how could he just stand by and let you proudly wear your heart on your sleeve after how broken and scarred it was. After what happened the first time, heck he doesn't even know the guys name but he prays that he never finds him because he wouldn't be able to control his anger. He's never known heartbreak like yours it sounded so painful it practically broke his.

The way you described it, like someone was reaching into your chest and squeezing as hard as they could only to rip it out with no mercy, to tear it in half only to throw it on the ground and stomp on it till it wasn't able to pump, till it was deflated and lifeless. Freezing it until it was at its breaking point only to smash it with a hammer and let the billions of pieces scatter never to be fully whole again, to be thawed out by the heat of pain and betrayal and left to burn.

He tried the best he could to gather the pieces for you, with you, he tired his best make it whole again not to fix you but to heal you, but that much damage was irreparable and yet you still managed to move on, or so he thought. He knew you hadn't fallen for anyone else, but it seems like you never told him how much it still burdened you and your dreams, how it haunted you. He thought the nightmares stopped not completely but enough for you to forget or did you just tell him that to spare his feelings to stop him from worrying. He could never stop worrying no matter how hard he tried, he needed to know how you slept at night, if the ghost of the past still haunted you and your dreams. Maybe it was all in his head, he was your best friend after all did you not want to tell him you moved on, were you scared you would disappoint him if you told him you hadn't. Did you not want to tell him you where ready to try again, somewhere deep down he thought maybe you would like to try with him.

The dates you went on when he lost games, the movie nights and late night snacks you enjoyed together, how you would fall asleep on facetime while he worked on his music, the memories you made together. Was he getting them confused, his emotions have been on edge lately he had so much work to do and not enough time and the sleepless nights didn't help, he hadn't thought about you being more than friends not till Seungmin mentioned it. Or maybe it was all in his head, maybe he didn't express his emotions enough, was he to friendly, or did you just not see the signs, ignore them even, where there even signs to look for. Where you to scared to look for love even when it was right in front of you. Was it the right type of love, you told each other you loved each other all the time but was it the same love he felt, was it a different kind, was it a feeling you where both to scared to admit to each other, was it really just all in his head.

Maybe it was all the k-dramas you forced him to watch, maybe it was just a friendship but how would he know he's never been in love, you never described to him what it felt like, to be in love with a special someone, was his feelings for you even that type of love. He was to scared to ask, the questions that would follow, the answers that would follow, would they ruin your friendship. Was Seungmin right? Was it his own feelings that forbade them to date you, to have that sort of relationship with you or was he just being protective, you're one of the most important people in his life, he can't loose you, your to precious to him, your friendship is to precious to him. He can't see you go through something like that ever again. It was something he would never admit to you or anyone else but you saved him when you didn't even realise, you would kill him if you ever found out he went through it alone to scared to trigger you. Your soft voice snapped him out of his thoughts, light enough to care but not enough to hide the slight anger in your voice.