Unexpected // sm

Chapter 63

I bit my lip, squeezed my eyes shut tight. I still half expected for myself to wake up at some point. But with the smell of bleach and hospital sheets filling my nose, I knew this was real. I eventually closed the door to his room. I couldn't bear hearing the sounds of other people hurt in the hospital. I knew they could be hurt beyond what Shawn was. However, they could at least move. They could talk. They could perform actions with their friends, pray with their families. Every time I looked down at Shawn, I was wondering how it could have been worse. Or better.

What if he wouldn't have walked at that exact second? Would he be dead? What if he was hit by a different vehicle, by a car? Would he be okay? What if someone else had been hit? Would they not have made it this long? I couldn't imagine what someone else's family would be like. What someone else's girlfriend might have thought, if they would have gave up hope by now. I just wish it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't wish for this situation to happen to anyone. Not anyone.

I don't think I've ever had something like this happen to me. My life has always been uneventful. But here I was. I think this is what Cameron felt like that day he found me in his apartment. I suddenly realized, this is exactly what he had felt. The worry, the anxiety, everything. New tears were falling, and I ran out of the room to find Cameron. He was nearly asleep on a small reclining chair, his legs stretched against the wall. I stopped in front of the chair, and wiped away a few tears. He lightly lifted his head off his hand, and gave me a weak smile. I tried to smile back. Only more tears fell. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I never apologized for putting him through that day when I took too many pills. I never even thanked him for saving my life. I never even talked about the incident with him after that day.

I tried to talk, but I couldn't. There wasn't anyway to express how I felt, no way to try to put my words into something worth telling him. He opened his arms, and I sat on the edge on the chair, but let my face bury itself in his chest. I was shaking so hard I thought my bones might crack, I was sure of it. But I couldn't stop. I think that this was the final moment I cracked. I was trying to be somewhat brave about the whole thing. Trying to stay strong for Shawn. But I was done. I couldn't keep pretending to believe in something that I couldn't. I was only hurting myself by creating false hope. I felt my world crashing down like none before. Gosh, I didn't think it was possible to feel so empty.

My chest was heaving like I had just ran a marathon, my hands shaking like I was watching a horror movie, my legs quivering like I just got out of bed. I felt my body shattering, but I tried to hold on. Cameron wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer to him. I tried to breathe in the smell of him as much as I could. Something familiar when I was stuck in a place that made me feel so alien. I felt the corners of my mouth shake when I tried to say something, so I stopped. I didn't think there was much I could say right now that would be sufficient. All I could do was sit here.

I wanted to help Shawn, to talk to the doctors, to hear what his parents were thinking, but I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything but sit here.

Okayyyy I have big news. I'm currently writing a new story, which will be based on Luke Hemmings. I know it's a change from my usual writing. Just please give it a chance! I'll have it out as soon as this story is completed. I basically have all of this written and ready to post. 

Soooo would you guys like for me to speed up the updating? I'm currently only updating once a week, and I have about ten chapters left. I need opinions, thank yall so much and I love yall

Also! I almost forgot, lol. I'm basically going to change my entire writing style, and I might collab with some of my friends for new chapters. I also really want to talk to yall more, because I've lost a lot of readers recently. I do love the support yall give me, I'm sorry I'm so busy and have my own issues going on. Feel free to comment anything, and message me even if you'd like.

-shelby