That was three months ago, at the end of April. The last time MAGCON was ever really, MAGCON. Don't get me wrong, all the new people are talented and everything, but it would never be the same. Maybe that was why I was so upset all the time. To think, everything the boys had built, was gone. MAGCON was my life before I met Shawn, or Matthew, or Cam. I missed the whole group. You could never replace them.
But, Shawn was going places. So were the rest of them. But Shawn, he was going to make a name for himself. It was his job. Maybe that's when I started losing feelings for him. The fame got to him, and he didn't even know it. Allow me to explain, Shawn released a full album and hit the top of the charts within minutes. He knew he was good.
That's when he changed his music. He became involved in party songs. That's when he changed himself. He was a singer, and he was good, but his old songs of love, were long gone. All that was left, was his detailed versions of getting drunk and a new bitch on him every night. He was Shawn, not my Shawn. But I missed the old him. I missed the life before he was famous. Some nights I could cry, and beg him to look at his life, if that was what he really wanted for his life. He never listened. I knew I didn't want that man in my life. He was never there for me, it was all about him. I thought maybe he would change, for me, I thought he loved me. But music was all he was ever after, and he wouldn't let me stand in his way.
I opened my eyes and crawled out of Cam's spare bed in the back of his extensive apartment. Don't think its more than what it is, he was actually a great friend to me after we had broken up, and he was always there for me when Shawn and I got in fights and I needed to leave. I rubbed my eyes, adjusting my contacts to the skinny morning light. The alarm clock next to the stand up mirror protested that it was 5:26 a.m. and I knew I would not be falling back to sleep. I wrote Cam a small note, saying I was out for a walk, before grabbing some Nike sandals to match my black Nike sweatpants and plain white tank top.
I grabbed my phone, sliding it into my pocket. Not that I had anyone to message me. I locked the heavy, white door behind me and took the elevator to the street. It was surprisingly nice out, not humid at all, considering it was the middle of July in Los Angeles, California. Yes, I lived in Kansas City. But Elizabeth was staying in North Carolina with Nash at his home, and I didn't feel like being at home all summer long. The main reason, was it gave me experience for my future career in photography, which my parents liked. Mostly because my parents didn't have to constantly remind me to take my antidepressants, and how to be happy. There was nothing wrong with me, just the rest of the world. I had been taking them for about two months now, after Shawn and I had our problems.
So, I came out to LA to spend it with Cam, actually he invited me, because he was starting to do some model jobs, and he needed a good photographer, and he had seen my work. So, I was his part time photographer. The other half of the time, I explored the city. Like I was doing now. I took a left and found a side walk to follow. He lived in this high end apartment, in an expensive, yet dormant, part of the city, very close to the beach. I didn't know which beach, because I barely went out in public places such as a beach, and I hated swimming.
There was absolutely no one on the streets. I looked up at the barely lighted sky and cringed at the feeling of being alone again. I had gotten used to it at this point, but every time, it hit me hard. I raked a hand through my light brown hair, which now reached a little past my belly button. My feet kept moving forward, my mind traveling backwards. I went back to those two weeks with my idols.
The first time I met the boys. I rarely thought back to that time, due to the emotional strain it put on me. But I had to relive it for a moment. I remembered the way Shawn made me feel. How he showed how much he loved me, through the smallest of things. He made me believe I was the only thing he ever wanted. I missed that. I remember how I got trampled at the event. How he cared, how upset he was. How he didn't even want to continue the show. I felt so alive then. I never thought I would be here now, so empty, so low.
In those moments, I thought I had it all. An amazing boyfriend who treated me like royalty. I wonder, if I could go back, if I could have done it over again. Was the high worth the pain? We weren't even together for that long. That's what hurt me the most. I became so in love within such a short amount of time, it shouldn't of hurt that intensely, all the way down to my feet. My whole self, aching with the pain. I raised my head up to admire the huge buildings not far off in the distance. I wonder if anyone in those buildings had a life as fucked up as mine.
I was walking back into Cam's place two hours later when I felt the alien buzz of my phone in my pockets. It never even made a noise these days. Elizabeth was probably busy, my parents only called at night. There was no one else I even knew these days. Everyone thought I was the quiet girl who played Shawn Mendes. That's what the magazines said anyway. I shook my head and closed and locked the door behind me. I noticed my note on the table, which has new, darker scribbles beneath it. Cam's handwriting.
He had to leave for his week long trip to Chicago a day early, he was sorry and he loved me. I felt a slight ping of happiness at that part. He said it regularly, but he was honestly the only person that really cared about me anymore. So I had a week to myself, in this big apartment. Yippee. I felt my phone buzz again and I quickly pulled it out. One message, one twitter mention. I shrugged and opened the message first.
From: Unknown Number
Heads up, "reunion" in LA this week.
I cringed. It was an unknown number, but I recognized it. Jack Gilinsky. We never talked much after that last MAGCON, but he had always been kind to me. I wasn't sure how to feel actually, what did he mean? Reunion? Of him and I? I didn't want to see him. I clicked on the mention. Jack had mentioned me in a tweet. Not his tweet, but someone far worse.
Just landed! Gunna be a great week in LA with ma boys. @ShawnMendes @TaylorCaniff @jackgilinsky @JackJackJohnson
I felt my breath freeze in the air, and my palms go cold. Why did it have to be this week, the one week I would be without someone there for me. My head felt heavy, and I clenched my eyes tight. I had to get through this week, I had to ignore this tweet of Matthew's.
YOU ARE READING
Unexpected // sm
Fanfic"i never knew i could love someone like that. it's so unexpected, ya know?" All rights reserved to shelbywrite.
