Unexpected // sm

Chapter 46

Shawn's POV

I couldn't believe I let the boys talk me into staying for another month. I sighed. I was sitting in my hotel room, when Matt ran in. He was breathing very heavily, and he was in tears.

"Cameron just called me. Mykenna's in the hospital." His voice shook, and his body trembled. "What?" I stood up from my bed, and got in Matt's face. Was this a joke? "Cameron found her at their apartment. She was on the ground, she had stopped breathing." His eyes filled with more tears, and he quickly wiped them away.

I was frozen. My mind went blank. I felt numb. Kenna was.. dead? "He said that they probably couldn't get her back, but they are still trying. They're at the hospital right now. She, she tried to kill herself, Shawn."

His eyes jumped away from mine, not being able to look at me. She tried to kill herself, and she had succeeded as far as we knew. I felt like the world was literally crashing around me. My vision went blurry, and I felt my knees give out.

"Shawn! Sit down." Matt caught me before I fell, and moved me over to the bed. I couldn't just sit here. I needed to be there, I needed to be next to her. I needed to be there for her, now more than ever. I knew she had done it because of me. I knew it. Her life had been perfect before me, and I knew I had put this upon her. My chest went into over drive, and my breath seemed to triple in time. This was my fault.

"I need to see her. I need to go." I said through gritted teeth, and moved to the door.

"No! She doesn't want to see you! It'll make it worse! She's probably already dead! You can't help what you've done!" He grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back. He walked in front of me, blocking the door.

"I need to see her! She needs to know I'm sorry!" I screamed at him, he had no right to not let me go. I had to. I couldn't let her die without knowing how I felt.

"Forget about it. Just let it go. This is on your shoulders, deal with it!" He dropped his hands from my shirt, and left my room. He was right.

A couple days later, I had stayed home from the beach because I didn't want to be around the boys. Because, I knew they attracted the girls. Well, I did too. I didn't want to see any other girl. I didn't want to touch any other girl. Kenna was all I had thought about for the last week, I wasn't about to let her go. But I had already lost her. She was alive, but I knew she had to be unhappy. I couldn't imagine how she felt. It hurt me so badly knowing I had put her in such a horrible state.

I was crying constantly, which broke me down even more. I was done with the bad boy image. That was definite. I wanted to go back, to be a player again who stayed out partying every night. But, I couldn't be that person anymore. It was stupid act, and I was done lying to myself. To everyone. To Kenna. I was so lost in my thoughts, that I barely heard the sounds coming from Matt's room. It sounded like his bed, hitting against the wall. That couldn't be him, he wasn't home.

I was currently watching him take pictures with a group of girls on television. Maybe it was some crazy girls that had found his room, and were looking around for things they could take home. Some of our fans were crazy like that. But, I was worried it might be a robber. I knew Matt had some expensive things, I didn't want them to take anything. I didn't feel like doing anything but Matt always had my back so I wanted to have his. I slowly walked to the door. I opened it, and stood as close to it as I could. His door opened, and she walked out. It was Kenna. I almost didn't recognize her. She looked amazing though, more like herself. She even looked like she might have been eating more, which was great. She looked good.

"Hey." She froze but did not turn around. She had to know it was my voice. "Can I talk to you?" She still didn't turn around, she didn't move an inch.

"Please." I walked up to her, gently grabbing her am and pulling her towards my room. Then she flipped out, she began kicking me, scratching me, pushing me away. I needed to talk to her, I couldn't let her get away. I pulled her into my room, and set her on the bed roughly. She had put up a good fight but we both knew I was stronger. I didn't want to hurt her but I needed to talk to her no matter what. I walked over to the bed and set my hand on her shoulder.

"Stop! Just listen to me!" I didn't want to yell at her, but it suddenly felt good. Pain went through my hand, she had bit me. Wow, she really didn't want to talk to me. She ran to the door, and I wrapped my arms around her waist. She was not leaving. She sat on the bed, and flipped me off. Okay, fine. She could be that way. But she was going to listen to what I had to say. I began yelling at her, everything I wanted to say. My voice sounded angry, but I wasn't. Inside, I was angry. But on the outside, I loved her. She yelled back.

She yelled at me for 5 minutes straight, not taking a break. I was stunned. She never talked anymore, and here she was, screaming at me. I guess she was a bomb, and she had finally gone off. I liked to hear her tell me how she felt. I liked yelling back. She was fucking sexy when she was pissed off. Then she started crying, I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it. I calmed down, and wiped the tears from her face. It hurt me so much to see her cry, I had never known why. Maybe it was because it meant she was unhappy. I always wanted to make her happy.

"I hate you! I hate you! I ha-" I cut her off by kissing her. I had to. Something had washed over me, and I had to do it. I didn't care where I was, or what was happening. I just had to kiss her.

An hour later, there we were, lying in my hotel bed. I was shirtless, my jeans were on the floor next to my shirt. Her MAGCON shirt was next to my clothes. Things had gotten heated, but we didn't take it too far. We were just relaxing, enjoying the moment. I didn't want to leave her, I didn't want her to leave. But I didn't have a choice. We couldn't be together, not after everything that had happened. We were both too heartbroken for that.

It was a week later, I was fine with our decision. It was obvious she didn't want to have anything with me, I had to accept it. I had my closure. I was fine. I know one day, that I could find someone that could make me happy just as she had done. I didn't need her to be happy.

Damn, you're a great liar Shawn.

Kenna's POV

I found it weird that I still couldn't talk. Not even to Shawn. It only happened when I had fought with him, that was a week ago. That night, we had decided that we would never work out, and that it was better to be apart. We were both fine with it, we were done hurting each other. I was better. I didn't need my pills anymore, I was starting to eat more. I was happy. I had closure, that was what I had craved all along. I was happy. I stood up, and walked over to the kitchen, making a bag of popcorn. I have been eating a shit load of popcorn lately.

I know how it must seem, how stupid of me. Why would I make out with him and put my hands all over him? Wouldn't that make me fall for him again? No, it wasn't like that. I didn't like him anymore. I was over the fact of us ever having a perfect life. I didn't need him to be happy. I thought I did. I was honestly fine with the fact of us not ever being together again.

Damn, you're a great liar Mykenna.