Unexpected // sm

Chapter 64

Five days later, we were still stuck in this place. I hadn't been outside in six days. When I needed to shower, I showered in the bathroom in Shawn's hospital room. Nash brought me clothes from my house each day. I barely left Shawn's side. School had started, but I couldn't force myself to go. It was going to be my junior year, but my test scores from last year made it possible for me to hopefully let this be the last year. I was constantly terrified, imagining the worst if I ever left him for a long amount of time. The worst part of being in here was the constant looks at me from everyone.

The absolute worst was seeing Aaliyah for the first time in almost four months. I was sitting across the room from her right now. She kept looking up at me, her eyes full of hatred. I wanted to say something to her. To explain, or try to. She got up and gestured for me to follow her out of the room. I was reluctant, I didn't want to leave Shawn for even a second anymore. But I followed her. She stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to face me. I closed the door behind me. I wasn't prepared for what she said next.

"How dare you sit in there with him, and have the nerve to cry." Aaliyah spat the words at me, while wrapping her arms around herself. Her eyes darted around us, not quite landing anywhere. "He's not yours. I'm his sister. I haven't seen him in months. He's here because he chose you over his family. Yet you have the nerve to cry." I was taken aback. She was barely thirteen, and she was talking to me like she was superior to me. I couldn't believe her.

I dared to look her in the eye, trying to calm my temper. I wanted to retort, but I couldn't. I was mute, but my mind was exploding with anything I could think of. I understood why she was angry. I would be too. But for her to say it was my fault, it cracked the rest of what was left of me. I had never seen this side of her. She felt like a sister to me even the first time Shawn brought me to meet her. He was nervous that we might not get along. But we did. Or we used to. She stepped closer to me, her mouth twitching.

"And you can't even try to explain. Because you know in your heart, that if he dies, it's your fault." She was crying now, but a faint smile was plastered on her face. She turned around and walked out of the exit before I could even open my mouth. My head started pounding, and I let my back fall against the wall. I couldn't take it anymore, and I slipped to the ground. My head fit perfectly in place between my knees. My tears started sliding down my cheeks. I was surprised I had an tears left in my body.

I felt empty. Like I was just floating there, my body weightless against the stone floor. I wonder if that's how Shawn was feeling. Like he was just floating in reality. I had heard before that when someone is in a coma, it's like they disconnect from their body. That they can hear and see what's going on, but can't do anything about it. I'm guessing that's not true. But if it was, I know that Shawn would try to comfort me right now. He'd be standing above me, yelling at me, trying to get my attention. But there was nothing. I walked into his room. Shawn was in bed, not moving.

I guess I should've been grateful that he was still here. Really. But the waiting was getting worse. His parents hadn't made the decision yet. It was up to them, if they wanted to keep him on life support and hope he woke up, everything would stay the same and we would have to hope for the best. But, if they decided it was better to just, end, the pain and stuff he was going through in his head, then he would be gone. The doctor said that they didn't need to be over thinking it. They didn't have to decide right away. Honestly, I don't think his parents thought he would be alive this long. I think they expected him to be gone after day two.

I know what it must seem like. That I'm far too casual talking about this. Using loose terms, I can see how it seems like I would care less. I'm simply trying to keep my head balanced, and the only way to do that is face the facts. It was hard, don't get me wrong. But there was no use trying to sugarcoat the situation, to act like there's good hope. It was what it was, and I chose to face it unlike someone else might.

When I was younger, I used to hate hospitals. I thought doctors were stuck up. Nurses were rude and inconsiderate. My grandma died when I was eight, my grandpa when I was ten, so I spent a lot of time in hospitals when I was younger. I could never imagine how someone could want to be a doctor though. To constantly deal with the anxious family members had to be the worst part. But now I see why they do it. They want to be able to help people, to help turn their future the right way. Sitting out here as I watch doctors run by, as they are called to patients, I wish I could help. It's hard to sit by and watch something so terrible happen when you can't even help. Help, that's all. Even if it meant just taking their temperature to make sure they were okay. Something. But there's so much pressure for the doctors, too. It's practically up to them to save countless lives day after day.

I realized all this after watching Shawn's parents pace as they saw Dr. Lloyd near them. Their faces, so drained of color, waiting so on the edge to hear what he had to say. I was sitting on the edge of Shawn's bed, lightly stroking his hand. I wanted so desperately to know what the doctor was going to say to them, but he pulled them into the hallway, out of ear shot.

His parents had always liked me. Well, that doesn't say much, considering Aaliyah did at one time also. I just think they thought it was some of my fault too. It was, he hadn't even gone to see them before dashing back here. He had gone all that way, and was pulled back in by me. This was still their little boy, lying here. I couldn't imagine the pain they were feeling. He was also their superstar, someone they were oh so proud of. Even if he ever woke up, his career would be frozen in place.

That thought alone sent chills through me. Everything he had worked for, everything he had sacrificed his life for. I sighed, and lightly grabbed his hand. I had the constant need to touch him, to make sure he was real. That he was still there somewhere. The door creaked open as Shawn's mother came in along with the doctor. I looked up hopefully, but found no sign of good news.