The Chosen.

I. Hate. You.

The next morning I sit around the table with the others, my eyes seemingly in a trance staring at my waffle on the porcelain plate in front of me. I can't quit thinking about my night with Bill, how he made me feel emotionally... and physically. I'm suddenly startled from my daze by Zeke's deep voice breaking me away from my breakfast

"What's got you two so happy this morning?" he asks raising his eyebrows and taking a drink of his orange juice. I steal and glance at Bill and he meets my eyes while a grin spreads across his face.

"Nothin." he mutters looking back down at his plate, his tongue running over the back of his teeth as he tries to stifle his smile. I bite my lip looking up at the others to see if my expression is really that easily read. By the look on Tom's face, it is. I can feel the sadness once again starting to creep in and over take my joy. His eyes are pitiful like a hurt puppy dog with its tail tucked between its legs. How am i supposed to allow myself to be happy with Bill when i know i make his brother, whom i care so deeply for, feel such sorrow?

I push my waffle forward, i can't eat anymore due to the pit that just appeared in my stomach. Tom pulls himself up from his seat, excusing himself outside.

"What's wrong with him?" Bill asks Mia gesturing to his sulking brother

"Dunno. Won't tell me. I stopped asking." she shrugs professedly giving up

"I think, i'm going to go talk to him..." i announce to the other three, Zeke catching my glance but quickly looking away.

The glass doors open to the bright morning, Tom sits on a stone bench right outside the entrance to the hotel. I walk over sensing his demeanor change once he spots me, but i sit next to him anyways.

"Didn't know you smoked." i point to the lit cigarette in his fingers, the ash catching in the wind.

"I don't" he says bitterly before taking a drag of the cigarette he apparently doesn't smoke.

"Mmm." i nod knowing he's smoking because of me. I really wish he didn't make such poor choices on the account of me, but who am i to tell him what to do. It's not like there's much to stay healthy for anymore, anyways.

"Tom... I'm sorry. I'm sorry i hurt you. But i'm with Bill and you need to be okay with that, he's your twin. You two have never been apart and that's not going to stop, especially now. You have to stop being angry with me." i say quickly all in one breath, scared if i take too long i won't say what i really wish to

"I know. I fucking know okay... I- I'm trying alright? I just can't help but be angry, not with you but with myself for wanting to take you away from someone who makes you happy and on top of that that person is my fucking brother." His thumbs tuck snugly into his palms looking like he wants to hit something. I bite my tongue at what i want to say next in fear of antagonizing him more and causing a scene.

He starts to speak but the words catch in the back of his throat, "I see your eyes when i dream... I see your hair blowing in the wind. I see your fucking smile, June." His breathing quickens and i think he is about to cry.

"Tom..."

"I know. I'm sorry i feel this way. Sorry to get in the way of what you really want." i sense the poison in his voice, the jealousy exuding from him.

"You know it's not even like that." i spit defensively from my lips

"Then what is it like June? I want you. You don't want me. End of story."

"...Maybe instead of having what you want, you need to start wanting what you have." I gesture my head towards Mia still eating in the dinning area, trying to deflect from telling him i do in fact want him. I want him so fucking bad i feel the longing for his touch ache in my bones.

He scoffs throwing the cigarette on the ground "You just don't fucking get it."

"Are you kidding me?" i raise my voice at him causing his head to jerk up from his gaze at the ground.

"JUNE! if i can't have you then i don't want anyone. It's YOU... It's been you this whole fucking time!" He stands from the bench yelling loud enough for me to be concerned about someone hearing us.

"SHHHH! Are you insane?" i spit at his large figure looming over me, he scoffs again laughing at my trepidation. I clench my fists and teeth never wanting to swing on someone so bad in my entire life. Our bodies stand facing each other, battling for who will be the first to give into the other. His shoulders finally relax as he rolls his eyes and steps towards me.

"I'm sorry." he says softly biting his lip ring.

"Ok." I glare at him, animosity still filling my heart. Panicking at how upset i am, he reaches his hand up to touch my cheek. But i smack it away, quickly glancing at the glass doors anyone could be watching us from.

"Quit Tom!" I fight back tears, his hand so close to my skin made my heart beat skip. I wish so desperately to be touched by him. I suddenly feel the waffle sitting in my stomach like a ton of bricks. I see the aching in his eyes, he's hurt so easily by my words. I know exactly what i need to do, i just know i will hate myself for the rest of my life. No matter who i pick i know for certain i will never forgive myself for hurting the other. My hand braces itself over my stomach prepared for what i am about to do.

"Don't talk to me anymore. Don't even look at me anymore. I. Hate. You." the words are hesitant as they come from my mouth and it takes every ounce of courage i have to spit them out.

Every last bit of gleaming hope in his eyes vanishes right in front of me leaving his vision so cold and desolate. Right then and there i knew i had just lost piece of myself in him.