The Chosen.

Trials and Tribulations

I haven't talked to Bill in an entire week.

Kissing Bill felt like waves that wash over sand on the shore of a beach. Incredible for just a few moments but you know the embrace of the wave won't last long enough. You crave more of the cool touch of the salty water, i crave more of the soothing touch of Bill's lips.

I think i'm depressed, well actually, i know i'm depressed. Tom thinks i'm depressed but i deep denying it.

I wouldn't want him to have something additional to worry about. Him and Zeke talk a lot about trying to get out of here, plotting and formulating has now over taken most of their days.

Me on the other hand, I can't even get my mind to focus on simple tasks. I forget my words mid-sentence, i walk into rooms unable to remember why i entered in the first place. My mind seems to be slipping from me, i feel like i'm going fucking insane.

I want nothing more than to go outside. I want to feel the cool touch of frigid wind against my warm skin. I want to feel the crunch of leaves underneath my shoes. I want to be set free. I'm so sick and fucking tired of living like a caged animal.

"You okay?" Valerie asks, startling me. I dart my head up at her as she stands in the door way. I say nothing but nod my head, resuming to the cigarette i was smoking.

I fucking hate smoking. Growing up, my dad being the tough country man he was, smoked cigarettes and always had a pack of snuff tucked snugly into his lip. Even as a child i was disgusted, teenage me hadn't changed her mind at all. But now, i can't get enough of it.

Several times a day i sneak away with Valerie and Mia, sitting in the little lounge we all try to escape just a bit.

"Jesus christ June, don't you think you should slow down? You're at a pack a day." She says tossing the pack of cigarettes down on the window sill.

I shrug my shoulders, "Doesn't matter if i get cancer and die if i'm stuck in this shit hole." I immediately suck my breath in, regretting everything i just said in front of Mia.

But instead, she nods, agreeing with me which strikes me as odd considering her past. Guess she must be feeling as trapped as i do.

"I think the doctors would be mad if a guinea pig died before phase two don't you think?" She chortles, taking the cigarette into her mouth.

"What?" Mia and I say in unison, staring at her.

"What?" She looks up startled, before cupping her hand over her mouth. "You didn't know... i thought they told you. New trials start again in two weeks from tomorrow." she sinks back down in to her chair.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Tears well up in my eyes. I knew they were keeping us here for a reason but i stupidly didn't think it would be that. I can't handle what i went through again and i don't think my friends will be jumping for joy either.

"I have to do that all over again?" Mia asks raising from her chair next to the large glass window.

"I know, I'm sorry." Valerie says, her soft smile attempts to add some solace but instead enrages me further.

"No actually, you don't fucking know. Valerie." My words are bitter and harsh but they paint my emotions so accurately. How could she even pretend to understand?

"You're right. I'm sorry. If theres anything i can do to make you feel better before the trials just let me know and I'll-"

"Yeah." I cut her off.

"There is something you can do for us." My eyes shoot to Mia.

"You're gonna help us break out of here." I murmur.