The Chosen.

So Fucked Up.

I sit down on the vast window sill breathing in the moist night air as i button my tight jeans back into place. Tom takes my hand my hand in his as my legs wobble beneath me, still feeling the affects of his fingers. He giggles knowing how weak in the knees he makes me. I roll my eyes hating that i've just given him an ego boost.

"Stole this from that girl." He puts a small joint between his lips, lighting it.

"Don't ever let her touch you again." I whisper very seriously as i take the joint from his hand that passes it to me. Chuckling under his breath he nods accepting my demands but that's not good enough for me.

"Say it."

"Say what?" he asks with a concerned look on his face, his beautiful brows furrowed downwards. I breathe in the smoke from the joint taking a hit into my lungs,

"Say she will never touch you again." i murmur as i exhale a cloud of smoke from my mouth

"June-"

"Whatever." his refusal to say so slightly shattering my heart. Maybe he's not as much mine as i thought he was. In the beginning i swore up and down the only thing between us was lust, maybe i was right after all. I've started to doubt everything between us lately. Besides physical intimacy, that's one thing we will always match perfectly with.

"It's different with you. I could never look at another girl the way i do you. There's just something you do to me... drives me crazy... What i'm trying to say is i don't want her to touch me." he explains, the most softly and compassionate i've ever heard him be with me. It's like he's really speaking from his heart right now.

"I've never had someone piss me off but make me crave them so much before. I- I- don't want to be aggressive with you.. I loved in the beginning when everything was calm... and gentle. it's just something takes ahold of me, especially with alcohol in my system. I just want to ravage you. I find... comfort in those moments of fighting and anger. It feels like that's how we need to be, at each others throats screaming in each others faces. It makes me feel disgusted with myself." he admits, forgetting the joint between his fingers letting the flame burn out leaving just ashes.

"I hate when i see what i've done to you... but in the moment i love it." his eyes graze over the injuries covering my wrists. I don't want him to feel guilty for what he does to me so i tug my sleeves back over my arms covering the evidence.

I understand where he is coming from because i feel exactly the same way. When he touches me softly i treasure it, but when he throws me and hits me i love it, i love him. I can't help but to feel the pain bonds our souls in a particular way. When his fists blow into me i feel a sense of longing and passion, more than i ever did with Bill. I know i'm fucked up to feel this way, i wish i didn't. I can't even convince myself to say it out loud even to him. But in my own fucked up way i'm addicted to the way he hurts me.

"We're so fucked up." i murmur under my breath with a slight smirk i can't seem to stifle. My eyes watching the blades of grass flow like waves through the brisk wind.

"Yeah." he laughs seeing the look on my face. That laugh never fails to make me feel like i am on top of the world.

"Come here." he motions his fingers for me to come to him. I crawl on the ledge scooting myself into his large frame. He takes my hand trailing his fingers lightly over my wrist bruises before he brings my hand to his mouth. He softly presses his lips against my wrist, making me melt. He opens his arms letting me lay myself into him. I snuggle my face into his chest feeling his heart thump against my gash. He whispers softly to me

"My girl."

It's such a strange feeling with him. There's never been a person who petrifies me so much yet at the same time his embrace feels like the safest place i've ever been. I breathe in his scent, so infatuated with him. It's starting to no longer bother me that he is Bill's brother. Bill is gone and will never return, i have to focus on what i need now. The intensity of what feel with Tom, is uncharted territory for me. Bill and I's love was completely different and almost juvenile in a way. Tom is complicated and rough around the edges, but so am I. Bill always felt too good for me too pure, i knew he didn't belong in this world. On the other hand with Tom, i feel like he fits right into me like piece i never knew was missing. I knew for certain Bill was my soulmate, so what is this i feel now?