The Chosen.

Crush me

"He's throwing up again." She huffs, plopping herself down in the chair next to me. Her arms connect around her chest.

"Again?" I ask. I know i've been absent, but i didn't think Tom's drinking was to this extent. I just assumed he was just drinking to take the edge off, to catch a little buzz.

"Yeah, it's been getting worse." Zeke chews the back of his cheek, i know it must hurt him to see his friend spiraling just after Bill died. I bet it's mixed with the guilt of his companionship with Mia.

I make my way down the long hallway, searching for the room Tom occupies during the day. I eventually see the door Mia left slightly ajar and push my way into the darkness. The air conditioner runs full blast leaving the room frigid and humid.

"Tom?" i ask as i swing the bathroom door open, surprised to find his large body sprawled out against the cool tile.

"Go away June." He speaks into the ground as his face is smushed deeply into the black tile.

"Whatcha doin?" i ask, sliding myself down the door frame to meet his level.

"Having a tea party. What does it look like i'm doing?" His attitude never fails, even in moments like this.

"Looks like you haven't dealt with your grief and now you are spiraling out of control, becoming an alcoholic who throws up on themselves at breakfast on a Sunday morning... I think that's what you're doing"

"It's Monday." He turns his face from the floor, his eyes narrowing at my accurate translation of his current life status.

"Tom, this isn't healthy, but i think you know that." i sigh

"Neither is rotting in bed and not eating for two weeks." He challenges my chastisement with some of his own

"I know, but i'm getting my shit together. Now it's your turn."

"Why do you fucking care?" he spits at me

"What, why wouldn't I?" my eyes dart around the room

"Because you hate me." His expression is blank, leaving me unable to read it

"Tom, I don't fucking hate you. Alright?"

"THEN WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME!?" He screams, startling me, as he flings himself up from the floor. Oh, he's such a pitiful sight. His dreads have started matting together, his clothes reek of alcohol and are now covered in his breakfast. His eyes carry the burden of his mourning, leaving large dark circles under them. My heart aches for how he has begun treating himself since his other half left us.

"Because... I just-... I couldn't be with you. I didn't know how else to make myself stay away from you other than having no option. I knew if you hated me... you would stay away from me... and i couldn't feel things for you any longer."

"You crushed me, June." i see a glimmer of tears in the corner of his eyes, i didn't know he cared so much.

"I- I- I'm sorry."

"You both left me, and now i have nothing!!" he screams at me again, I can see the spit flying from his lips in frustration. His heart is breaking into pieces right in front of me as he lies out his sorrows for me to take. His sob becomes too heavy for him to bear, forcing his body to the floor in a crumple. I wrap my arms around him snugly, my body shaking against his with every cry that escapes his mouth.

"Shhh.. I'm still here. I won't leave you." I know i had never physically left him but it never dawned on me how i abandoned him during the most difficult time of our lives. This is partially my fault, he needed me and i wasn't fucking there.