Maybe, maybe not

Chapter 13

I don't fancy marriage.

And it's not because I'm heartbroken, I'm not.

I gave up on the whole idea of spending the rest of your life with someone the moment mum left dad.

I was seventeen and in my first relationship when it happened and it made me question everything.

Daniel, my boyfriend at the time, and I had been together a few months already and for a teenager like me it felt like an eternity already. He already became a huge part of my life and I couldn't imagine life without him.

And I had heard that my parents married for thirty years were breaking up.
My mother, who had changed her last name to his, left her family to form one with him, bore children for him, lived under the same roof with him for thirty years, had just left.

It was a rocky time in my relationship with Daniel and I know it was unfair to him considering he wasn't my mother and was only a teenage boy, like me. But I just didn't want to get caught unfresh. I imagined him leaving me, it was very possible especially as there wasn't even as much commitment as with an actual marriage.

At the same time, my parents were basically dumping their last child on me.

I broke up with him a few weeks after.

My first year in the university was hard enough, handling student life living outside the university was even harder, and then I had to add catering for Priscy.

Everything was choked for me that year.

Priscilla had gone to school and I was too tired to attend any class that day so I stayed home. It was a terrible choice, considering the direction my thoughts were going to.

If Sam had come in a second later than he did, I would have sliced my wrist.

As soon as I saw him I became a flood of tears, I cried so much I could imagine it flooding my house.

Sam was there for me, and he never left.

I think that was the moment I fell in love with Samson.

.

"Daniella" Laura's voice brings me back to the present.

I look at her, not saying anything.
I'm afraid I've lost my voice from all the inner crying I've been doing today.
Today, where I should be happy since one of my best friend's wedding has been fixed.

Somehow the news of her wedding has brought back memories of my parents divorce, and somehow that had connected to the lowest point of my life, and then connected to Sam.

I'm happy for my friend, I'm just not happy. If that makes any sense.

"Are you okay?" she asks looking genuinely concerned.

I never thought I'll see this day.

"Ma?" I say, maybe I misheard

"You look very pale and you've been staring at the register for almost an hour now. Are you fine?" She asks again

"I'm fine ma" I answer with a smile. This is the best Friday of my life!

She gives me a letter "someone sent this for you"

"who writes letters these days?"

"Your love" My eyes open. "that's what's written on the letter" she adds smiling.

She must be in a good mood today. A very good mood.

After Laura leaves, I don't waste time before opening it.

~
Dani,

This is an apology. And a confession.
I'm sorry, for everything. And I love you.

I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I called you a psycho. I'm sorry for what happened the other day at your pharmacy. I'm very sorry, Dani, for everything.

I decided to keep Hannah's baby, you were right, I was the one that wanted to abort it.
We're no longer together but we'll have the baby. I'm taking responsibility for what I did.

And I know it's not easy to forgive me, but for the sake of old times give me a chance.
Let's meet up and talk.
There's a date and an address at the back of this letter, I'll be there waiting for you.

Don't ever forget, I love you.

Xoxo,
your love.