Maybe, maybe not

Chapter 24

I've spent basically all weekend laying on my bed.

Jo had called me yesterday. He told me he would come visiting today with his friend who's a therapist. A part of me wanted to tell him not to bother, but a greater part of me wants to stop this destructive behavior I hadn't even realised I had all this while.

I've had alot of time alone to think, to really think, back to things I've done when I get mad. And to be fair, they're really destructive. I'm beginning to think Samson, Ana and Jo are right. I do need help.

"You have a visitor!" Priscy shouts from behind my door. I've barely even talked to Priscy. I'm sure she noticed this is serious because unlike before she's not pestering me constantly and invading my space and a tiny part of me keeps wishing she would.

I try to think of a time I treated Priscy badly, a time I got mad at her, or did something crazy to her and no matter how hard I try to remember nothing comes to mind. She may be the only person in the world I haven't acted harshly with. Our fights are minimal, never too deep, they're nothing more than baseless arguments.
I love Priscilla, so much.
And I don't regret having to cater for her all these years. Not even if it's most likely the reason I'm traumatised.

"I know you're not sleeping" she shouts again when I don't day anything.

"I'm sick, dont disturb me" I don't shout back at her because I want her to think I really am sick. That's a perfect explanation for being withdrawn from the entire world for two whole days.

"That would be a lie, I don't want to lie"

"Don't start Priscy, I'm not in the mood and I don't want to see anybody"

"Not even the hot guy from your clinic?"

"Paul is here?"

"Yes, and I already told him i was coming to get you so I can't lie now"

"Just go away"

It's silent for a long time so I'm sure she's left to tell 'the hot guy' that I'll be on my way
.

Paul stands up the moment he notices me coming and he smiles at me "Hey, Dani" I smile back but I'm sure it's not a very convincing smile. "Are you alright?" he says looking from the too big shirt I'm wearing as a gown, to my unkempt hair I've been hiding under a wig and my face that's been crying all weekend.

"I'm fine. You didn't have to come here" I say. It's the first time Paul is actually in my house and I feel a little guilty that it's under this circumstance.

"You were not answering your calls and at a point I could not reach you at all. I thought you were sick after Friday's work. I know it was alot of stress so I just wanted to see how you were doing"

I sit, because standing is too much work for me, I've mastered laying down for so long using my legs seem foreign to me.

"Did something happen?"

I shake my head "no"

I know I seem distant but I really can't pretend I'm okay right now. I am drained enough as it is and the last thing I'm willing to do is socialise, even if its with the one person who has kept me sane at work for the past year.

He sighs, very loud so I don't miss it. "Daniella, I'm your friend and you can tell me if something's going on"

The last thing I would do is tell Paul about everything. Where would I even start from? What is the best way to tell someone something like this? I decide against it. Sometimes it's better some things stay the way they are.

"Nothing's going on. I've just been tired" I lie.

It's obvious he doesn't belive me but he plays along "alright"