Maybe, maybe not

Chapter 15

I haven't torn Sam's letter, I continue to read it over and over again even though I know it's a bad idea.

The date on the letter is set for this evening and I'm considering going. For closure or what is it they say.

I try to remember all the things my friends had said about him, maybe it'll help me dump the letter once and for all. But all I can think of is one single line on the letter

Don't forget, I'll always love you

Sam is anything but a liar, one of the things I love most about him. Everything on that letter is definitely not a lie. He really does love me.

''What's the worse that can happen?'' I ask myself as I get up from my bed.

I am going to see Sam.

~

I'm an hour late because of how much time I had spent deliberating on what clothes was best fit to wear and what bag and shoes would compliment it. I didn't want to look like I was miserable without him so I put in alot of effort in my appearance, not too much effort though, I couldn't let him think I was trying to impress him.

I notice him immediately I get here and he notices me too.

It's a fancy restaurant, one I remember too well from coming here with him on several dates. Seems like it's one of his favorite places in town, fifty percent of our dates are usually at this resturant I'm sure the staff are familiar with us already.

Unfortunately for me, our table is reserved at a corner of the resturant and i have to painfully walk a distance with him looking at me all the way

He's standing when I reach near him "you came" he states the obvious pulling out my chair for me.

I try not to smile. I don't want him to think that I'm here with hopes of fixing our relationship, even though a part of me would very much love that, I'm here to listen to what he has to say and that is all.

"Thank you" I sit down and then he sits.

He clears his throat "Thank you" he says "for coming" he adds with a shy smile.

"It's not a problem" I tell him.

A waiter comes to our table with food and my eyes widen in suprise. I make sure he doesn't notice it as I return to my emotionless face.

"I already ordered, hope you don't mind" he says after the waiter leaves

I nod. He ordered my usual, he had remembered every single detail. I know it's not very long we broke up, but still, these are little things I have to give him credit for.

"So, how are you?" he asks making conversation as if we are old friends reuniting

"I'm fine" I say even though I'm anything but fine

"When does your training end?" He asks, trying to keep the conversation going

"In two weeks" I answer

"I'm happy for you, congratulations"

"Thank you"

"You don't have to be so cold and formal with me, Dani" what was he expecting? For me to add baby to the end of every sentence?

"I do, things aren't the same with us" I remind him

"We can fix that. I want to fix that"

"What are you fixing exactly? This relationship or my madness?"

"Look, I'm sorry I called you crazy but" he stops for a while "there's really no nice way to put it" he adds

"I make insensible decisions when I'm mad, I won't deny that but that's a normal thing. Why would you ever suggest that I have a mental problem?" my voice is a pitch higher but I have it under control

"How do you know you don't? All I wanted was for you to get help. Professional help. And I realize I didn't communicate that properly but that is it"

I can feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

I've learnt the hard way that in situations like this, especially with Sam, it's best i stay quiet, so instead of lashing out on him like i normally would I fill my mouth with food and ignore him.

He follows suit and also begins to eat.