𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐖 | h.s

jumpers & decisions

A/N - LISTEN TO THE SONG ABOVE ONCE YOU SEE THE ***

I had been camping out in my hotel room for the past three days, I hadn't gone out at all just incase I see them.

Last night I had woken up on the bathroom floor, my body ached and my lungs felt raw as I breathed. I had like ten million miss calls from my girlfriends and the boys.

Management was going off on my arse every second, but at this point I had blocked Owen.

I had been throwing up nothing and water since I found out what happened to him. Zayn had been banging on my door until one of the room service workers told him to leave or they would call security, I felt bad but I couldn't see anyone or talk about it. I felt like I was rotting.

The only person I had barely spoken to was Simon. I had told him that I needed to talk about my place in the band, I couldn't continue this anymore.

I didn't have a plan but I just knew that I needed to breathe clean air for once. I couldn't see my family or even grieve. Left alone with myself all I can grieve is myself, who I am and who I could've become.

I had been sitting on the edge of my bed for the past forty five minutes, contemplating whether to get up and drink water as well as get dressed.

I keep remembering and remembering her words and the feeling of my heart beating too hard, so that it then dropped out of my chest.

I keep remembering and my heart has no pity on me, everything I've let go has claw marks on it.

I slowly get up from the bed, stretching my arms up as I groan. "Fucking hell." I mutter, my head in my hands as my old mascara rubbing onto my fingers.

I head into the bathroom, turning on the light as I look at the mess I made. A box of Advil on the floor, spilled out on the counter and sink.

Well fuck

Bottles of shampoo and conditioner were all over the place, my razors dumped in the sink as well as water underneath feet.

I kicked away the bottles and threw the box in the bin, throwing a dry towel over the water.

My eyes met the mirror, my hair was all over the place and my eyes more sunken than usual.

I squeeze my skin between my fingers, trying to get some colour into my face. I licked my lips and tried to do something with my hair.

Then I have to meet Simon.

Fuck

***

I had finally gotten ready, cleaning the bathroom up a little and making the bed. My hair was like normal and I had just put a little makeup on to cover the rings around my eyes.

I was dressing warm even thought it was like thirty degrees out, well!

I quickly grabbed my phone and AirPods, all I was doing was going to Simon's room.

But something was telling me to rethink this, what if I'm making the wrong decision?

But then again I can't tell the difference between my intuition and my crippling anxiety.

"You can do this, you can do this. Just don't freak out," I muttered to myself.

I slipped my feet into my shoes, I always keep my laces pre done because who wants to re do their laces?

I look back for a second, taking a deep breath in as I close my eyes.

"I can do this."

I turn to open the door and step out, one of the workers smiling at me as I return the blessing.

***

I grab my AirPods and stuff them in my ears as the first beat comes on.

Great.

I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

This was actually my anthem, always will be my favourite from Taylor.

I don't know how she does it.

I just wanted you to know that
This is me trying

I started to walk more quickly to his room, i w wanted to get this over and done with.

They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that

Well she was right about that.

I could see his room number from here, I couldn't back out now. My heart like it carried tons, I needed the weight lifted off of my chest. I needed room to breathe.

I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying

I took a deep breathe, running my hands over my outfit. "I can do this." I whispered, knocking on his door. I took my hand and raised it to my mouth, what the hell am I doing here?

I slowly took off my AirPods, stuffing the case back into my pocket.

I'm actually praying a big boulder drops on me right now, because what the fuck am I doing?

"Fuck this." I mutter, turning the other way round.

"Adelina?"

Well fuck.

"Simon." I murmur, looking up at him as he scratched his chin.

"Well come in." He motioned his hands for me to come in, I gave him a downward smile as I walked past him.

His room was way better than mine.

"I haven't seen you in the past couple days." He says, giving me the 'what the fuck are you doing' look.

I should've ran when I had the chance.

"Yeah." I dryly reply, picking at my stinging cuticles.

"So what did you want to speak to me about?,"he walks in front of me, grabbing his jacket off of his bed, "it's a bit late isn't it?"

"Oh yeah I-," he waves his hand as I was speaking, "the boys are quite annoyed at you y'know." He crossed his arms, staring me down.

"They are?" I quietly asked, sitting on the edge of his bed as he sat in his desk chair.

"Yeah, you haven't spoken to them in the past two days. And god Zayn is a mess!" He laughed, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh I-."

"And Louis was yapping about how you're ignoring their calls and texts, honestly those boys have done so much for you. I just don't understand what the issue seems to be." He rolled his eyes, grabbing his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed.

My eyes darted to his face as he avoided mine, I didn't realise I did so much by doing so little?

"Anyways I think you should speak to them." He muttered, clearly more interested in his phone now. His lips quirked up into a smirk while I fiddled with my jumper.

"I actuallt didn't-."

"Y'know Adelina you really should communicate, it's the worst when you don't. Honest." He put his hands up in surrender, laughing like he'd just make some sort of joke.

"Make sure to check up on them, especially Zayn. What happened was awful and-." He cleared his throat, smiling at his screen.

"I want to leave the band."

A/N: well this is an end of an era xx hope you enjoyed, it's kind of short bcs the next chapter is quite long 🎧🎧