~•his past•~ [Hyunlix]

He left~20

"I- I started hurting myself again... sorry Hyunjin" I said before tears rolled down my cheeks as Hyunjin sighed deep. "Why? Why would you do that Felix?" He said sternly, looking straight into my eyes. Ofcource he hates me now. Why would he like a stupid boy who is always crying and being dramatic? Why would he like a stupid boy who hurts himself and doesn't eat? Why would he like a stupid boy that gets anxiety and panick attacks all the time for no reason? Why would he like a stupid boy named Felix? Why.

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No one pov

"Felix, are you there?!" Jisung yelled out as he was still banging on the door. Felix didn't dare to move. He was shaking violently and crying his eyes out, all alone on his bed in the corner of the room with his knees against his chest. He couldn't breath well, a panic attack.

"Maybe he's not here?" Minho said, trying to calm the younger, who was knocking rapidly on the door, down. "Where would he be then? School started a few minutes ago and we didn't see them yet." The younger said as he then grabbed a key, the one Hyunjin gave him for emergencies. 

He quickly opened the door, seeing no one until he heard a silent sob from the bedroom. "Felix?" he said confused as he jogged to the bedroom door, opening it slightly to see Felix trying to catch his breath, which obviously didn't work, and crying while shaking vehement.

"Felix what happened baby?" Jisung said softly as he ran towards the younger boy.

"Minho he's having a panic attack, call Hyunjin." Jisung fastly said as he then pulled Felix on his lap, caressing his back. "N-No." Felix managed to say in between the heavy sobs and breaths which led the two olders confused.

"What no? What happened with Hyunjin?"

"H-he- he is m- mad." The younger said as he started crying even harder, if that was even possible.

The two elders were confused, why would Hyunjin be mad? 

"H-he... I-  I..."

"Baby, calm down alright. Then you can explain us what happened okay?" Jisung said as he then gave the younger a small kiss on his head, taking his hands from scratching himself and caressing his back.

A few minutes later the panic attack came to an end, Felix was still crying and shaking a little but he calmed down once he got Jisung's skinship.

Felix pov

Again. Again I had a panic attack. Luckily Jisung and Minho came in before I would've litterly passed out due to being short of breath. 

"Now, tell us what happened Lixie." Jisung said, still caressing my back with his right arm and softly stroking my cheek with his left as my face was hidden in his neck. "Hyunjin got mad at me because... I told him... I hurted myself again." I said before I started sobbing again.

"Sorry Jisung... I'm so sorry..." I am actually sorry. Of course not because I hurt myself, I'm not sorry to myself. But i'm sorry to the people that have to deal with this bullshit of mine. I'm a burden. Nothing more and nothing less. I deserve to die. But I don't deserve the amazing people around me. That's all just a fact.

"Lixie... Why would you hurt yourself baby?" Jisung said, still softly as he was caressing my back and holding my head close to his.

"Should I call Hyunjin?" Minho then spoke up, patting my leg as I nodded a no. "He's mad at me. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Is all what I could say. I am so fucking sorry, I don't deserve Hyunjin at all but I never knew it would hurt this bad when he left. I'm sorry.

"Hey Lix it's okay. Where and how did you hurt yourself buddy?" Jisung asked softly, almost whispering while caressing my cheek. 

"O- On my a-arms and ch-chest a-and my t-thighs." I said, stuttering as Minho sighed deeply.      "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Jisung. I'm so sorry..."

Jisung pov

I feel so bad for him. He has to deal with so much and yet Hyunjin just left my boor boy. I get it, trying to understand Felix isn't always that easy, he has to deal with so much and even I still don't know how to help him.

He's totally upset because of that bastard. He even got a freaking panic attack because of Hyunjin, and where is he? He ran away. What a coward.

If you love someone, you gotta be there for that person and not run away because they have a hard time, especially not when that person is in some deep shit where they can't get out of easily. And that person is Felix. He is such a strong person, he lost his sister, got into depression multiple times, tried to kill himself multiple times, doesn't want to eat and hurts himself and yet that bastard ran away from him. 

"Lix can I see?" I asked him, trying to sound as calm and soft as possible and definitely not pushing him. I looked up at Minho, who was now sitting next to me on the bed as I saw his sad and worried expression.

"Hey sunshine, it's alright okay? We will never run away like that idiot did." Minho said with a calming smile, softly running his fingers trough Felix's hair. Felix just nodded slightly as I helped him get up. He then removed his shirt, revealing red scars on his arms and chest. He then looked down, I could see the pain in his eyes as he started crying again.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Jisung..." He said before breaking down totally. I quickly went over to Felix as I wrapped my arms around his tiny waist, holding him tight against my body so he wouldn't fall as he started sobbing again.

"It's okay baby... Don't worry we're here and we'll never leave you okay?" I softly whispered as Minho also stood up, hugging Felix from behind as the tiny boy was now in between us.

The whole day we stayed with Felix. We watched some movies and played some games to cheer him up. Of course he still felt bad because of Hyunjin but that bastard doesn't even deserve the attention. He left Felix for nothing, for litterly having a hard time and that's disgusting.

It's currently 9 pm and Hyunjin is still not back, Felix is now showering and me and Minho are just having a little make out session on the couch.

"I feel bad for Felix...." I whispered, not wanting Felix to hear it since he's been crying pretty much the whole day and seemed really tired.

"Hey baby don't be sad. Hyunjin is a coward and we'll be there for Felix whenever he needs us alright?" Minho said, pecking my lips before Felix came out of the bathroom. You could see his beautefull freckles even harder now and god, he's such an angel.

"Hey Lixie, how are you feeling sunshine?" Minho said with a calming tone in his voice, going over to Felix to hug him as I also stood up.

"I'm fine, thank you guys... Sorry for being such a burden to you." The younger sunshine said which broke my heart. He's everything but a burden, he's my best friend and I would do anything to let him smile.

"Lixie you're not a burden. You're our sunshine and we'll protect you no matter what okay?" Minho said as he bended a little to be at the same eye level as Felix. The youngest just nodded and gave us a last hug before we left. I just hope he's doing okay...

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THIS IS AGAIN SUCH A SHORT CHAPTER OMD😭

but the next one will also be posted today/ tomorrow sowww yh

word count: 1294

anygays

dk what to say rly

so cya in the next chap i gueszsz