The Wrong Victor

Chapter forty-four: Peeta

I sit in the library of the mansion mulling over the plan. But Katniss' words just haunt me.

"You're a calculated manipulator."
"You're not innocent."
"You're not the boy I knew."
"Until I know that I think it's best if I keep my distance."

I run my hand through my hair as I look over the plan one last time. I need to focus. I cannot focus on the break up going on right now. Katniss is important to me, Katniss is the love of my life, but it's life or death right now. I need to get this perfect.

"Kid," I look up to see Haymitch walking in, "breaking hearts now, I see."

"What are you talking about?" I ask putting the plan in my pocket and making sure it's safely hidden.

"Breaking hearts, you broke Katniss' heart."

"Haymitch, she ended things. Not me. She was the one who wanted to step back, not me." I sigh and run my hand through my hair again. "I love her. I will always love her, but while she was away I stepped into a position of power and it's changed me. I went from being a pawn in the game to being a player. Yes, it was for survival, but it still makes me someone she doesn't know anymore. So, I get it. I understand. But don't blame me for what she decided was best for us. I'm just agreeing with her and giving her space."

Haymitch sighs as he plops down into a chair. Even with the copious amounts of alcohol in this mansion he's staying sober, I'm proud of him, but I know it can't be easy. "You're both being very grown up about this."

I shrug and move to lean my elbows on my knees. "I just don't have the time to mull it over right now. The execution is tomorrow." I look up at Haymitch and frown a little. "Afterwards I don't know what will happen to the medic nor to me nor to Katniss. But can I ask one last favor of you?"

"I guess I can do you one last favor." Haymitch smiles as if he knows he would do anything for me and I'm sure it's true not just for me but also Katniss and Prim.

"Take Katniss and Prim home today. I don't want them stuck in the crossfire. Take them home today. Get them on a train and get them out of here in case this all goes south."

Haymitch nods as he thinks about it. His hand on his chin fingers rubbing against his lips as he mulls over the idea in his head. "You promise you're gonna come back home when you can so you and Sweetheart and get back together?"

"Cross my heart. She's it for me. I love her and I will always love her for forever. The moment I can leave is the moment I'm coming home."

Haymitch nods and stands up. "I'll take them home. But you're coming to break the news with me and saying goodbye."

I nod as I stand as well. I should say goodbye. Even if Haymitch and I didn't say it out loud my death is a possibility. After Coin and Snow die the next leader of this country could kill me. They could see me as a threat to the peace and kill me thinking I will kill anyone. I won't.

Snow and Coin are (for lack of a better metaphor) two sides of the same coin. Snow wanted power and was greedy enough to kill and use anyone he needed to get to his position. He poisoned everyone including himself to climb ranks. Coin had power, but she wanted more. She used me and Finnick knowing how absolutely desperate we were to get the girls back. Snow dangled them in front of us just as Coin did. It was always a game between the two and they didn't care who got hurt.

I just hope the next leader is a good one and understands what would make this country so much better. I just hope they think about how governments could be so much better. I'm no politician, but a council of members from each district could be helpful. Doesn't have to be victors, could be anyone. Should be anyone for their voices to be heard. I don't plan on being a politician and I hope the new leader doesn't ask me to, but I can't help but think of how I can still help after.

You know, if I'm still alive.

Haymitch and I walk into the room the girls are sharing, I moved out last night. Space was asked for, space was given.

I look at Katniss and she obviously hasn't slept. I can't imagine I look much better. Nightmares are the worst and I know she has far more terrible nightmares.

"Hi." Katniss says softly her voice raw and cracked, most likely from screaming all night. Her hair is brushed and pulled back into a bun. It makes her look older, more mature.

I know it's Prim's way of keeping her from pulling it out.

"Hi." I shift awkwardly off of my prosthetic and stand there. "I think you and Prim should go back to District 12."

Katniss stares at me her eyes tired and bloodshot. She sips the tea from the mug she's holding and just takes a moment to process what I've said. She knows it's not a request. She knows I'll put them both on a train immediately if she refuses.

I'm just hoping she doesn't.

Katniss takes a deep breath and sighs. "It's not really you asking." She stands up from the couch and sets her mug down before standing in front of me. Her arms are crossed as she stares at me with those tired grey eyes. "Why should we? Are you coming with us? Why not wait so we can travel together? Are you even coming home?"

I run a hand through my hair and shake my head at her. "Katniss, you were the one who asked for space. You said you don't recognize me. I gave you space. I respected your decision but I understand. I went from being a pawn used by everyone to being the player of the game. I get it. I'm not that boy you knew. I grew up. So don't sit here and act like it was my decision. I'm the manipulator here, remember?"

Katniss sighs and rubs her face. "You're right. I did make the decision. But my questions are still valid. I thought we were going to work this out."

"Not right now. There's too much going on right now. Once the country is not falling apart then we can work on us. But I have an execution to prep for. That's tomorrow. After tomorrow I promise you the moment I can come home I will. I will be on the train faster than you could call me home. But it's safest for you and Prim to go home now. Avoid the crossfire."

Katniss mulls it over as she starts to pace in front of me. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. "Do you love me?"

"More than anything. More than the birds love to hear you sing. More than my lungs love to breathe in air. More than life. You're it for me, Katniss. Always have been, always will be. I promise you, the moment I can come home I will. I just want to know you and Prim will be safe if anything goes south." I reach out and gently pull her closer by her hand. I hold the soft calloused hand in my own feeling the differences of our callouses. How nimble her fingers are, but how rough her three fingers are at the tips from her bow strings. "I don't have a ring, I don't expect you to say yes right now. I don't expect for us to jump back into anything after I come home. You're right, we need to learn about our new selves and learn about each other's new selves before we do anything. But, one day in the future, will you marry me? For real this time?"

Marriage in District 12 was never really the biggest thing. Most people don't have money for marriage. And sure, we have been "engaged" before but that was for television. I just want to spend forever with her.

"And if I'm not who you remember? If you don't love the new me?"

"Impossible."

"Won't be televised?"

"We don't have to make any announcements you don't want to. We can live in silence out of the public eye."

"You're a politician now."

"No-"

"Yes, you are." She cuts me off. "You like making a change for the better. I can see it in your eyes. You like it. I think you should continue it. Whatever it is. Even if that means we'll still be in the public eye."

"I'll keep it as minimal as possible."

Katniss laughs a little as she steps closer and wraps her arms around me. "Promise me one thing."

"Anything." I whisper against her hair enjoying how she just smells like home.

"Stay alive."