The Wrong Victor

Chapter twenty-two: Katniss

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm from district twelve. My dad was a coal miner. He died in an accident. My mom never recovered. I kept my sister safe. Primrose. I can hunt and cook.

Prim was reaped her first year going in. Last year. I volunteered. Peeta was reaped. We wore fake flames. He admitted he loved me. I didn't like that. I scored an 11 on the training score. I became a target. Target. Target. Target mutt. Target mutt.

I look around and they're all mutts. All of them. They're blinding me and growling at me. Help. Please. I can't. I can't take them. I can't fight. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no n-

"-niss. Katniss, hey. Look at me." Where? Peeta? Peeta there are mutts. Not safe. Not safe.

"Not safe. Mutts." I cry I don't see him I don't know where he is. "Where are you?"

"Right here. Katniss, I'm right here. Take a deep breath for me and close your eyes."

I close my eyes and he brushes over my cheek. I reach out for him and he gently sets my hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat.

"I'm real. Right in front of you. Okay? I don't know what you were seeing but it wasn't real. I'm right here. Okay?" His voice is soft and sweet and nice. Flows nicely into my ears.

I nod my head and move to be against his chest with my eyes still closed.

"Do you want to go through your lines?" I nod again. "Do you want me to say them or you." I poke his back as I have my arms wrapped around him.

"Your name is Katniss Everdeen. You're seventeen years old. Your father was a coal miner and died in an accident years ago. Your mom was never the same. You have a little sister you would protect with your life. Prim was reaped for the hunger games and you volunteered. You and I won the seventy-four hunger games. You were reaped for the seventy-fifth hunger games. I volunteered for Haymitch. No one won the hunger games."

"I'm Katniss and I'm seventeen years old. I'm Katniss and I'm seventeen. Seventeen. Seventeen. Seven-" I sit up away from him and shake my head. No, no that's not right. No. Not real. Not real. I'm. How old? My birthday. When? Need to remember. Remember what? Birthday? Birthday when? "I'm Katniss I'm seven- no. No wrong. Wrong."

"Katniss, what's wrong?" Peeta asks his hand touches my elbow. I shove him off. No bad. No. No touch. No it's wrong. Something is wrong. My birthday. It's wrong.

"My name is Katniss. I'm Katniss. I am Katniss. I am sev- no not seventeen. No that's wrong. It's wrong. How old am I? Not seventeen. I'm not."

"Spring happened. Summer is nearly here. Katniss, what's today? Do you know?"

"No no. No it's wrong. It's all wrong. Everything is wrong. Bad day. Bad day. Go home. Go. Go to bed. Alone. Bad. Danger. I'm danger."

"Katniss, do you want to go to your room?"

"Yes. Room. Room alone. I'm bad. Danger. Danger. Bad day. Very bad day. I'm Katniss. I'm sev- bad day."

"Alright, let's stand up off the bench. Do you want to open your eyes, or you want to walk? Or do you want me to carry you? One two or three. One open eyes and walk; two eyes close and walk; three I carry you. Which one?"

"Three three three. Not safe. Not real."

Strong arms. Safe. Hide.

I'm Katniss. Katniss Everdeen. I'm... I'm.... sev- no! No no no no no! Wrong! Stupid brain stupid stupid stupid!

"Katniss, don't hit your head. You'll get hurt."

"Stupid stupid stupid."

"You're not stupid. You're very smart. It's just a bad day. These things happen, Katniss."

"Not seventeen. No. How old? Age? How old?"

"Eighteen." Prim? Prim! No look. Not real. Can't look. Bad.

"I'm Katniss Everdeen. I'm eighteen years old. I'm Katniss Everdeen I'm eighteen years old. My birthday. Birthday?"

"May 8th."

"May 8 I'm eighteen. I'm Katniss I'm eighteen. I'm a Victor of the hunger games. I have Peeta and Prim. I got messed up. Messed up how? Snow. Snow hurt me. Venom. Hijack. Bad."

"You're right. Snow messed you up. Katniss, how are you feeling? On a scale of one to ten. One being you can open your eyes and we can go eat, ten being you want to sit in your room in the dark and silence and just calm down." Peeta. Peeta sweet. Peeta gentle.

"Seven. Seven. No no. Seven wrong. Seven wrong. Eight. Eighteen."

"Not how old you are. We know you're eighteen, Katniss. What do you need to calm down? Do you want silence and darkness? Do you want us to touch you to leave you alone? How can Prim and I help?"

"Don't know. Don't know don't know don't know don't know don't know."

"Okay, Katniss. It's okay. We can start with it being dark and quiet. We can sit in the floor and I'll let go of you to give you space. Is that okay?"

"Let go? No no no. No let go. Safe. Arms safe. Stay safe. Peeta safe."

"Okay, shhh. Look, it's dark in here. We're on the floor. It's just me and Prim here with you."

"Katniss do you want to go through your lines?" Prim sweet. Prim safe. Nimble hands work through my hair. Prim.

"We can go through them slowly if that helps you, Katniss."

"I am Katniss Everdeen. I am eighteen years old. I am from district twelve. District twelve is gone. My dad died in a coal mining accident and my mom couldn't cope. Prim. Prim is safe. Prim was reaped. I volunteered. Peeta was reaped. Peeta and I won the games. We had a victory tour. Snow wasn't happy. The quarter quell was called. We were out back in the games. No one won. Everyone lost." I feel Peeta's calloused hands brushing through my hair and the smell of metal and bread. I feel a smaller set of hands in my own. Prim. I open my eyes and it's really dark but I can see the outline of Peeta above me and Prim next to me.

"Hey beautiful, are you feeling better about the present?" Peeta asks his thumb brushing over my cheek. I nod and move to curl into his body more. "That's good. It's been a pretty bad day for you. We haven't had to sedate you which is good but you've been struggling. Do you want to go lay down in your room?"

I shake my head and nuzzle closer to him. "I want to stay with you. It's safe. The only safe place here is with you."

Peeta pulls me closer and nods. "Do you want to move to your bed? We can all cuddle up and rest. Or we can talk. Up to you." I hear Prim yawn and I look over to see her rubbing her eyes.

"Rest. Prim's tired." Peeta gently lifts me up and tucks me in. Prim tucks herself into my side while Peeta pulls me close.

"Goodnight, Katniss. Goodnight Peeta." Prim whispers before falling asleep.

I kiss her head before leaning on Peeta. "Real or not real you love me?"

"Real. Forever and always. Real or not real you love me?"

"Real." Peeta kisses my head and I close my eyes. "Stay with me?"

"Always, Katniss."