Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 1)

162 He Was Wrong to Love Him Who He Loved Dearly

Jing He lowered his head, unable to watch any longer. He just couldn't stand to see his father take the time to advise him, knowing that he would turn a deaf ear to his words and fall in love with the man he had warned him about after all. It just wasn't right. He should have known better. He should have acted better.

Back then, he should have made it clear to Qiu Ling that he wasn't interested and then not seen him again. If he did that, then he never would have fallen in love and never would have defied his father. Wouldn't that have been for the better? Everyone could have been happy ...

Tian silently reached over and grabbed his chin, raising Jing He's head. "Watch."

The scenes on the water mirror continued to change but from this point forward, they all had something in common: Everything revolved around Qiu Ling. Yes, from the moment they met, everything good that happened in his life happened because of him and so did everything bad. He was the focus of his attention, the driving force behind his experiences, the source of his changing mood. Without him, his life was static. Only with Qiu Ling by his side did he move forward in a meaningful way.

Tian left out all the mundane situations they had experienced or at least he had the scenes only show for a moment before they disappeared again. Instead, what was left for Jing He to see in full were those out-of-the-ordinary matters. The times when Qiu Ling had forced him to step beyond what he was comfortable with and explore new possibilities.

Seeing all of this, Jing He's gaze couldn't help but soften. There was so much this man had brought him, so much he had done for him ... How could he ever think it would be better not to have fallen in love? This love was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Even if he offended his father for it, he also didn't want to miss it.

If he could, then he wanted the rest of his life to look like this: Filled with this man's gentle care and daring nature. He wanted to stay by his side and support him in whatever endeavors Qiu Ling might pursue. He wanted to keep his secrets safe and comfort him when the daunting tasks weighing upon him became too much. He wanted to be Qiu Ling's beacon of light in the darkness of his identity in the same way that Qiu Ling was his safe haven in the raging waves of the expectations put on him because of his station.

But just when his heart slowly filled with conviction, he was met with the day of the Jiyi Festival. He saw himself go against his father's wishes and leave his palace which had been heavily guarded to keep him from seeing this suitor of his. He watched as he got ready at his mother's place, putting on the robe and the mask Qiu Ling had created specifically for him and delivered to his uncle. He witnessed as the man he loved appeared and took him away secretly, leading him through the streets of the capital unrecognized.

What followed was the episode at the teahouse. He saw himself lying in Qiu Ling's arms, the man's hands and lips wandering over his body. Watching this way, he was sure that the next moment, his robe would come undone and he would lose his innocence to this man. It certainly didn't seem like he had the strength of heart to reject him and Qiu Ling didn't even think of letting go.

In the palace in the High Heavens, Jing He's cheeks flushed crimson. He knew that the two of them had done many things that were worthy of reproach but ... he had always been in the moment, his thoughts often preoccupied with the excuses he could find for himself or for Qiu Ling. He knew that he had always told himself that he could at least pretend to be decent as long as he considered the circumstances and put up a show of slight struggle by mentioning how this or that shouldn't be done ... all the while still letting it happen.

But seeing with his own eyes how their encounters looked from the outside, all excuses were for naught. It was so obvious that he enjoyed that treatment and wanted Qiu Ling to go further. Even if he might have some doubts at the back of his mind, he surely wasn't putting up a fight to retain his chastity. No, he had clearly been willing to give himself to that man and become his.

Then, the door to the room opened, revealing the sordid scene inside to the one outside. Jing He watched his own embarrassed appearance, feeling that he deserved this. Yes, if he dared to act like this in secret, then he should naturally be exposed for how he really was and receive judgment for his actions.

This feeling only became stronger when his father and uncle entered the fray, adding to the chaos of the scene. While Qiu Ling, his father, and the other guest were arguing over who was right or wrong for occupying the room, Jing He could only focus on his own actions.

He remembered how, back then, he had prayed that his father wouldn't recognize him so his dishonorable actions could stay hidden. This alone was proof of his moral failing. If he hadn't done anything wrong, then at that moment, he wouldn't have needed to hide. He could have stood next to Qiu Ling without issue, admitting to everything.

But he couldn't. Because from the very beginning, he had been wrong in how he acted and the further this relationship went, the worse his behavior became. From his original straying thoughts, he had clearly come to permit actions that should never even have been thought about. In the end, while his love for Qiu Ling grew, his immoral behavior became more and more obvious. If it had been allowed to continue, where would that have ended?