Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 1)

198 The Way in Which They Were Similar

Qiu Ling didn't answer immediately and instead pulled Jing He to sit down on the edge of the bed, holding him in his arms. He couldn't be sure that his first idea would be the right one so he'd rather take a few more moments to think about it.

Jing He wasn't sure what to make of his silence but also didn't want to add his own conjecture. After all, it really didn't portray him in a good light and if Qiu Ling could find some other explanation, he didn't want to put the thought that he was shallow into his mind.

He simply leaned against Qiu Ling's chest, his fingers brushing over the hem of his lapel. An Xin had jumped out of his arms earlier to explore the room and had vanished somewhere so now, it felt as if there really only were the two of them.

Qiu Ling turned to look at him and smiled faintly. "Give me a moment to think. I'm afraid I'll speak prematurely and get it wrong. Then what should we do? In general though ..." He narrowed his eyes, still feeling that his first instinct should be right. "All of the stories you can think of are about love because you consider feelings important. As a result, I feel that the solution to his question should also be a feeling."

Yes, the reason Jing He often overthought things was because he cared too much about what others thought. He feared disappointing them or making them feel uncomfortable. He was seeking their approval. Part of the reason for that was fear that had developed due to the way he grew up.

He might not have realized this previously but after Jing He's mother had told him the stories of the past, he was very familiar with the way Jing He had grown up and how this had influenced him. The fear that caused him to turn so obedient and so ... eager to seek approval from others was definitely a big motivation. Still, it shouldn't be the reason why he was so hung up over the story of Tian and Xing. At most, it was related to that.

To put things in sequence, it seemed like the issue at the root of everything was his fear which led to his wish of gaining others' approval. This approval likely also included somebody having such a high opinion of him that they would love him the way Tian had loved Xing. And this was where the issue was lying.

To put it plainly, Jing He wanted to be loved and this was because of his experiences. He wanted somebody to desire to be with him enough to look past all his struggles and any faults he saw in himself because ... he didn't want to be alone.

Qiu Ling slightly furrowed his brows. He was all too familiar with that feeling. After leaving the dragon king's palace and even the capital city and only being around his parents, he had already felt somewhat isolated but at least his relationship with his father had eased at that time so he didn't feel completely alone. After his death though, he had hidden away for so long, always believing that nobody could ever overlook what he was and want to be with him.

For Jing He, things were similar. He wanted somebody to accompany him, somebody without any reservations. And, well, even though his parents had always done their best, he likely didn't consider them safe enough. After all, all those years, they hadn't been able to keep him safe either. He ... had likely felt like he was trapped in a nightmare and a suitor was the only way out he saw, similarly to how Tian had been Xing's savior from out of the nightmare that was the Heavenly Empress's schemes against him.

Qiu Ling gently took Jing He's hands, his expression subtle. He knew he was likely right. He still hoped that it wasn't the case though. After all, this was too sad. No child should grow up like that, nobody should be deprived of relationships to this point. And yet, Jing He — the person he loved more than anyone else in the world — had had to suffer in this way for years.

Jing He looked up, feeling a little uncomfortable with the way Qiu Ling looked at him. He ... would not start to mind what he was now, would he? "What ... What is the matter?"

Qiu Ling sighed faintly and leaned closer, leaning his forehead against Jing He's. "I just ... feel that a lot has happened to you and that you deserve so much better."

Jing He closed his eyes, afraid of what he'd see if he checked Qiu Ling's expression. This did sound as if he minded ...

Qiu Ling pulled back slightly and squeezed Jing He's hands. "Say ... do you think it might be loneliness?"

Jing He opened his eyes and looked at him in confusion. "Loneliness?"

Qiu Ling nodded. "Yes. Xing was lonely, wasn't he? His father didn't love him and his father's wife and her daughter hated him. When you told me his story, you never mentioned his mother so ... she can't have done much to protect him, and neither should his other relatives or any of the suitors he had before. He had nobody so he was wishing for just one person to appear to save him from that loneliness.

"In this regard ... are you not similar? Yes, you have at least your parents and your uncle." Although, from his point of view, at least his father being helpful was doubtful but it was true that these people were there. "But apart from them, you could never allow yourself to be close to anyone else. You had no friends, no close peers. Even with the other titled gods, you didn't dare to have too much contact, and your guards were carefully selected, always knowing to keep a certain distance. Isn't that so? So then ... wouldn't you wish for a lover to appear? A person who will be with you no matter what?

"I think this is why Tian's and Xing's story resonated with you so much. You see yourself in his loneliness and you were hoping for the same thing to happen to you because otherwise ... life really didn't seem all that worth living, did it?"