Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 1)

129 A Missing Memory

Qiu Ling's worry wasn't without reason. Jing He indeed still hadn't realized that he wasn't a trueborn god any longer but a fallen god instead. While his fiance watched the last few hours of his life, he finished bathing, put on his inner robe again, and picked up An Xin to go to sleep.

He still didn't understand why Tian had come to see him or what it was he'd like to talk about tomorrow but he wouldn't reject whatever it was the supreme sovereign needed. As for the question he had asked him ... well, he had thought about it all this time and, of course, he considered Qiu Ling to be the most important. His parentage changed nothing about this. He did feel that it should make a difference for the future though.

No matter how unlikely it was to be known by others, shouldn't they still plan for such a worst-case scenario? Otherwise, what should they do if it happened while they were unprepared? He didn't know and even though Qiu Ling had told him about his parents himself while he was on his trial and had apparently tried to do so afterward as well, he wasn't sure if he had thought the consequences through. Qiu Ling was so assured of himself, he might not consider it necessary. So, this question, to be honest, he'd like to ask Tian for help if the supreme sovereign was willing to give him advice.

None of these matters could be solved today though so he didn't intend to struggle with them any longer. He didn't know why but he felt extremely tired today. Maybe that was why he had originally gone to lie down after coming back from his father's palace.

Yes, Jing He might have remembered what finally caused the fall but he had not yet remembered what happened right after. When he tried to think back, he only found that he might have been in a daze because there were no clear memories to recall. Considering that he had woken up alone on his bed though, he figured that he should have gone to rest and accidentally fell asleep while worrying.

Even though this blank in his memories felt odd, something big had happened directly before so he could only assume he had been too stunned to behave like his usual self and could even fall asleep after such a big matter happened. Usually, that should have kept him awake for days.

Jing He petted An Xin so the little Flame Heart would settle down to sleep and then closed his eyes, soon falling asleep himself. He only vaguely thought that he had to solve matters with Tian soon tomorrow because he didn't want Qiu Ling to misunderstand when he came to see him. After all, even though he was sure that Qiu Ling trusted him, that might not necessarily be the case when the man in question was Tian himself. After all, Qiu Ling also knew how much he had idolized him throughout his life.

Maybe it was because of this disharmonious thought that he had right before sleeping or maybe it was the remaining worry about the secret of Qiu Ling's heritage or even his subconscious that tried to remind him of what he had turned into but Jing He didn't sleep well that night. He fell asleep fast but soon woke up again, staring into the darkness in a daze.

Rubbing his forehead, he sat up and looked around, feeling slightly disoriented. He knew he was in his palace. The bed was familiar, the silhouettes of the other furniture were familiar, and the layout was obviously the same even though he couldn't see everything right now. Still, something bothered him. He simply couldn't place his finger on what it was.

He furrowed his brows, lay back down, and tried to fall asleep again. Unfortunately, even though he was still tired, he had worse luck this time around. He simply couldn't fall asleep. Time seemed to trickle by with no change at all. Jing He turned onto his side, hoping that he would have an easier time sleeping like this but nothing changed even then.

With a sigh, he sat up again and finally got to his feet. He quietly walked into the main room, pulled out the tea set again, and brewed himself a cup. He wasn't sure if it would help but, right now, he simply saw no other way. Simply continuing to lie obviously wouldn't help.

Holding the steaming cup, Jing He glanced at the door to the garden. If it had been at another time, maybe he would have gone to open it so he could look outside and maybe feel the breeze. He hadn't forgotten Tian's words though and while the supreme sovereign had only told him not to leave the palace, he felt that standing in the open door was not much different. It was better to stay inside.

Not sure what to do, he went to the study and sat down at the desk. He had often sat here, reading or painting. Too often in the past years, his thoughts while doing so would be on Qiu Ling. Every painting would unwittingly include a reference to his feelings for this man or even contain the silhouette of a loving couple. When reading, most of the time, what he picked were books about the dragon realm or the history of the last few thousand years that Qiu Ling had lived through. At other times, it might be a collection of poems or the riveting story of another couple, and yet, all his thoughts would stray to his own lover.

His feelings for Qiu Ling ... there was no need to mention how deep they were. Because of this, he also felt that they had to deal with the issue of his blood. Right now, he wished Qiu Ling had been at his side so they could discuss and find a solution together. In fact, even if there was no solution to be had, just being held in his lover's arms already would have calmed him down. It was a pity he hadn't seen him even once since he woke up.