Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 12, Part 1)

199 Not All Alone

Jing He stared at Qiu Ling in silence, his thoughts not catching up with him for a moment. There was no doubt that he had indeed been lonely for most of his life. And maybe finding other people to spend time with even after he had come of age and wasn't affected by the curse on his family in the same way anymore hadn't seemed safe at all. Yes, maybe Qiu Ling was right that this was why he had wished for someone he could love to appear and Tian had been the perfect example as the person who saved Xing from his loneliness.

He lowered his head, his brows furrowing slightly. He hadn't managed to think of this himself, instead coming up with an explanation that painted him in a much worse light. Was it that Qiu Ling simply had a better opinion of him than he did himself? It seemed possible.

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Qiu Ling's waist, pressing against him more tightly. He had found his person but things always seemed to go wrong. Just like Xing, he still hadn't gotten his happy ending. In fact, contrary to him, he hadn't even had the ceremony that would allow him to call Qiu Ling his husband. It was ... a bit pitiful. Was that really how his life was supposed to go?

Qiu Ling felt Jing He curl up in his arms and hurriedly hugged him tightly. "It's alright. You ... you aren't alone anymore. Even if we are separated for a while, my thoughts will always be with you. And whenever you need me, I will be there for you." He brushed through his hair again, feeling concerned.

Jing He clearly wasn't doing well. He had had times like these in the past but it seemed worse today. Most likely, it was because he had fallen. For one, those circumstances should add to the pressure he felt and two, it was entirely possible that with the feelings that caused his fall still being so raw, he felt every new change even more deeply.

Seeing him like this, Qiu Ling's heart squeezed in pain. He had always wanted Jing He to be happy. His beloved's satisfaction was more important than his own and he would have done anything to ensure his wishes could come true. It was a pity ... right now, he could do very little.

Tian had stressed to him that Jing He needed to go through this alone. They shouldn't even see one another. He wasn't sure what had changed that it was alright now but even with that factor gone, he didn't believe that there was much else he could do. No, this was a battle Jing He had to fight on his own, and that ... frankly, it was killing him.

Yes, he hated to see him like this. There had always been a certain sadness around Jing He. After all, his life hadn't been easy and he couldn't give his trust and hurt to others without worry. Even when his situation slowly turned around, he couldn't believe it and would always second-guess others' words and feelings. Now, this sadness had become even heavier.

He hugged Jing He tightly, wishing that there was something he could do for him. It didn't need to be much, just something small would already be great. As long as it could reassure him a little and drive some of that loneliness away, it would be enough.

He furrowed his brows, wondering what to do. He had tried to reassure Jing He over and over again, not just today but also in the past. But had it ever worked long-term? He was afraid that wasn't the case. Jing He would still always worry whether they would still be together in the future because he couldn't trust the peaceful days. If he wanted to change that ... he would likely need something tangible.

Qiu Ling continued to hold Jing He in his arms, his fingers brushing through his hair as he tried to come up with an idea. Throughout these years, it wasn't like he hadn't given him gifts and each of them had been used to express his feelings. There had been some following the traditions of the dragons and some following those of the gods, there had also been some seemingly random pieces that only made sense if you considered their history with one another.

What else was there left to give if none of these had been able to reassure Jing He completely? He was afraid only a wedding would have the intended effect but Jing He was particular about such matters so he didn't think he'd appreciate holding it while he was still a fallen god. Even if it could put his mind at ease for a while, he would soon start to worry about his current condition again.

Qiu Ling closed his eyes, feeling as if the situation was leaving him without a way out. There seemed to be nothing he could do other than to watch his beloved suffer. How could he take that?

"I wish I could do more for you. If it would help you if I were in the High Heavens with you ..." Right now, this seemed to be the only thing he could offer: to accompany him no matter where and when. He would be willing to do it as well. He could leave everything behind if he had to.

Before he could make any further promises though, Jing He shook his head. "No, you ... you have so much to do here. I just ... I just want to spend a little time together, is that alright?"

Qiu Ling immediately nodded, hugging him a little tighter. "You can spend as much time with me as you want. You can always come back later as well. I will wait for you no matter how long it takes."

Jing He nodded faintly and then silently buried his face in Qiu Ling's shoulder. To hear these words from him ... it did make him feel a little less lonely. It was just that he knew very well that he needed to recover first before they could truly be together. Right now, the wait until then seemed unbearable and, of course, there was also the issue of what would come later. Wouldn't he still have to go against his father's wishes? And wasn't there still the matter with his child? Considering all this, he wasn't sure whether he would truly be able to have a happy future with Qiu Ling in the way he hoped for but he also didn't know how to explain that to him.