Return To Me

Prologue

Life is a roller coaster.

That applies to most people. They say that riding roller coaster is fun. Even if it's full of ups and downs, people would still enjoy it. But for some, they can't.

Baka may fear of heights?

Baka hindi talaga masaya para sa kanila ang rollercoaster ng buhay nila.

For a writer, I am very much inclined to giving life values to objects. Writers love metaphors. They love flowery words. They look at things in a different view.

In a roller coaster of life, I could say that I don't have that much of an enjoyment. Sa kabila ng mga tao sa paligid ko na humihiyaw at nakataas ang kamay habang sakay-sakay ng ride na iyon, ay naroon ako sa dulo at nakapikit na naglulugmok, hinihiling na sana matapos na at marating ang dulo.

May fear of heights nga siguro ako.

"Dia, akala ko ngayon ang interview mo? Bakit hindi ka pa naliligo?" nilingon ko ang mommy ko.

"M-maliligo na po.."

Tumayo na ako at tinigil ang tugtog sa cassette tape na pinapatugtog ko. Dumiretso na ako sa banyo para maligo. I have a job interview later, a very important interview.

Nang makatapos maligo ay sinuot ko ang pinakamaayos kong damit. I have loathed my body for years. I have covered myself more than anything. But to this day, I wore a formal polo shirt and slacks. It should be okay, it's an interview for a maid. So, I don't have to be very formal, I just have to make myself presentable.

Throughout the years, I have learned to use makeup. Sensitive ang balat ko sa ibang brand, at isa lang ang nakahiyangan kong makeup brand. Lahat ng makeup ko ay doon ko binibili. I didn't wear my usual goth outfit and makeup. Today, my makeup is simple. I only wore a winged-eyeliner, and my lipstick is a simple nude color one. I brushed my above-shoulder black hair. I removed my piercings, from my tongue and nose. I covered the tattoo on my neck using a plain choker.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like my past self. I looked like the Dia who loved genuinely, who's fragile as a glass, who's soft as a marshmallow.

Ibang-iba na ako ngayon.

I smiled bitterly at the thought of it. Writer Dia is very much different from high school Dia. She's a lot stronger. She's more fierce, and most of all, she's not naive.

"Wow, parang nagbalik ang baby ko, ah? Mag-ingat ka. Nga pala, may book signing ka bukas. Kinausap ko na iyong manager mo."

"Salamat, my. Aattend po ako."

"Kailan mo naman ba ipapakilala ang sarili mo sa mga readers mo? Sigurado namang maa-appreciate ka nila. Ang ganda-ganda mo, eh." I just gave her a faint smile.

"Hindi na po kailangan iyon. Ang mahalaga, ang content ng libro na mababasa nila. Hindi ako."

"Ikaw talaga, ewan ko ba sa'yo. Oh, mag-ingat ka, Dia ha? Mamaya, dadalawin natin ang baba mo pag-uwi mo." ngumiti lang ako sa kaniya bilang tugon.

I drove with my car. For a successful writer as I am, it is really weird that I will have to work as a maid. Malaki na ang kita ko, bakit ko pa pipiliting mamasukan para pahirapan ang katawan ko? This is not my expertise. Mahina ang katawan ko. But this is the only way I can repay for my sin.

Nang marating ang malaking bahay na may nakalagay na Montano Residence ay agad kong naramdaman ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. I held my chest and closed my eyes for a moment. I am doing this for her. Kailangan kong pagbayaran ang kasalanan ko sa kaniya. At hindi matatahimik ang puso ko kung hindi ko gagawin iyon.