Return To Me

ANG WAKAS

"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." - Carl Gustav Jung

AND today, I wore the loveliest dress for a special day. The day that I will finally reveal who I am. To this day, Dia and Hayami will become one.

"Hello, everyone." I smiled at everyone.

Marami ang dumalo sa book signing na ito. Narito akong muli sa Manila. It has been years. At the age of 35, I get to finally muster my courage to stand up in front of everyone, wore a different style, and finally...

Remove my mask.

Marami ang nagulat sa ginawa ko. I have kept myself hidden from people. I was afraid of everything that might happen. I was afraid they will recognize the young and weak Dia. But I am ready to face the world now. As a writer, as a loving wife, and as the mother of my son.

Nilingon ko sina Kaizer. Hawak niya sa braso ang dalawang taong gulang naming anak, si Angelo Dion. He waved my son's hand at me.

"Good luck, mommy!" Kaizer mouthed.

Napangiti ako at muling humarap sa mga tao. Marami ang press na kinukuhanan ako ng litrato. Marami sa mga readers ko ang nakanganga sa gulat ngayon. Marami ang napangiti at sinisigaw ang pangalan ko. I couldn't help but to feel flattered, and loved.

"This is a very special day for me. As you can see, I finally showed you who I really am."

"Mahal ka namin, Hayami!"

"My favorite author!"

"I love you!"

I chuckled. Huminga ako nang malalim at tinapat ang mic sa akin. "I am Dia Hannalil Montano."

"Behind the pen name Hayami, Dia was just a little girl who dreamed of this life." napangiti akong muli, "She's just the girl who doesn't have a single reader, because she have kept her drafts in her laptop. Afraid of criticism, afraid of people's opinion."

They went silent. So, I continued.

"She's a part of me that I have kept hidden not just to all of you, but as well to myself." huminga ako nang malalim, "Tinago ko ang dahilan kung bakit narito ako ngayon. Dahil kinakahiya ko siya, dahil para sa'kin, mahina siya."

"Hayami is a stronger version, but Dia has the heart." napatingin ako kay Kaizer. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin, "My stories may have hurt you, but that is my way to share my story with you."

"While Dia experienced hell in the hands of the people who hurt her, Hayami came to share light to everyone who needed to hear it, to hear her stories, to seek courage and warmth to realize that they are not alone."

"I never knew how strong I was until I had to drag myself up from the hell I've been through. So, with my stories, I hope it reached your hearts. I hope I brought light, I hope I helped you realize that it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to cry. To heal and change to be the best version of yourself after a painful past. It's important to never lose yourself, and to love yourself means to embrace everything, even the ugly parts of who you truly are."

And with that, I ended my speech. To my readers, to those who endured every painful scene in my stories, I hope I reached their hearts. I hope they learned from me. Because I, too, am learning from myself.

"I AM so proud of you." Kaizer held my hand firmly as we cuddle at home. My revelation reached the media. I was invited by multiple reality shows and interviews. Maging sa balita ay pinapalabas ang pag-reveal ko ng sarili ko.

I didn't do it for fame. Matagal na akong mayroon no'n. I did it because I don't want to hide myself anymore. Gusto ko makita ng mga readers ko ang mukha ko sa tuwing napapangiti nila ako. Gusto ko kapag nakakausap ko sila nang walang takip ang mukha ko.