Love Me Again

CHAPTER 24

Liar

Bitch

Whore

I don't trust you

I hate you

I am leaving and won't ever come back

He left

He really left

He left me

His words were ringing in her ears, her body was numb and her brain couldn't comprehend anything. Bile rose her throat and she forced her legs to move.
Reaching just in time she threw up in the toilet until there was nothing left inside. Just like her soul.
Her chest pained less due to dry heaving and more with pain and anguish.

She forced herself into a cocoon, bringing her knees to her chest and just stared the wall in front of her. Numb and shattered. Her soul was filled with tears and anguish but her eyes were dry.

Even the wall reminded her of him. Memories with him. Her legs wrapped around his torso as they stood under the shower making love. 

Trying to get rid of the burn in her heart she closed her eyes as if to darken the world around her but no avail. As soon as she closed her eyes, snippets of memories went through her brain and in front of her eyes as if it was a movie. But it wasn't. It was real. It was something she had experienced. Something that she would never experience again. Because he isn't there.

Flashes came in front of her.
Her entering the OT and seeing his back, their first eye contact in the hospital, him asking her for dinner, their first date on the terrace restaurant, her meeting his family for the first time, their first kiss, their first time love making, his perfect proposal, marriage, the sweet and passionate first night, her pregnancy news, all their cuddling and the sweet moments they had.

A tear left her eye, then other and other and finally the dam broke as a sob left her lips. And she cried and cried and cried.

She didn't know how much time had passed but it was dark outside now. It didn't matter. Her entire life was dark now.
She was too tired to even cry now. Dry tears stained her face as coldness spread her body.

He really left her. It was like a nightmare she desperately wanted to wake up from but her eyes weren't supporting her to open. God why? Why did this happen with her? Wasn't her love pure and strong enough to overcome misunderstandings? Why didn't he trust her? Why didn't he once listen to her? Why did he leave her and the baby?

Gosh the baby! What would happen to it? Mom and dad didn't even know about it. They would have been so so excited and happy about having a grandchild but now they won't even see it. And Matt? He would never even know about the existence of his own baby. He won't know that he was going to become a father. Their baby would never see his father's face, won't know father's love.

But she would never let it feel like that. She knew how it felt to grow up without parents. She never got that love but she would do her best to provide her child with it. He/she would never feel lack of father's love. She would be enough for them.

Thinking about her baby she forced herself to stand from the cold bathroom floor, holding the wall as dizziness hit her from sitting there for hours. She forced herself to move towards the bedroom.

Wrong move. All the motivation she gave herself flied out of the window as she entered the bedroom. Nostalgia hit her so hard that tears formed again in her dry eyes.

The bed reminded her of all the time they had spent here. Her waking up early morning to his deep blue eyes, soft caresses, deep kisses and slow sex. Their nights filled with long, steamy, passionate affairs as they stayed in each others' arms as long as they could, exploring and loving one another. Their weekends with late morning, breakfast on bed, movies and just staying cuddled.

And their cuddlings, she felt a deep ache in her chest as she realised she won't have them anymore. She could never sleep without him holding her. Now who would hold her?
Her body and soul was tired but sleep was far away from her eyes. Her mind couldn't stop from thinking. She forced herself to try to sleep but no avail. As soon as she closed her eyes, she wished she could lay wrapped around Matt like always. Her laying on him, her head above his heart making her soothe by listening his rhythmic beating, her hand on his hard chest and both his hands covering her back, slowly rubbing her up and down.

She sobbed into her pillow inhaling his faint scent present there, remembering those moments. If she had known, this won't happen again she would have spent a lot more time with him. She would have spent more time cuddled with him. Just more time with him.

Her eyes went to the laundry basket where his worn shirt was there. Her feet moved on her own towards it and she brought the shirt near her face sobbing as she inhaled his scent. Getting rid of her clothes, she wore his shirt. It calmed her almost immediately.
Laying on the bed, wearing his shirt and putting her head on his pillow, she cried her eyes out. Exhausted, she didn't know when she passed out.

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A short chapter showing the inner turmoil of Mara. She is left broken 💔 but more is left.

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