Sugar High

Feeling Things Is Overrated

Standing at the door Dead Man Miki's store I reach to the first rail of clothing and pull everything from it and throw it to the ground. I feel like a toddler throwing a tantrum but fuck what I feel, feeling stuff is over rated it just leads to pain.

Taking hold of the next rail I heave the clothing to the ground just as a sun ripened blond comes tits first around the corner

"Excuse me sir...oh Its you!" she unconsciously pushes up her cleavage and smiles at me. God how I wish I was Travis of just a few weeks ago, I would take her into the backroom and make every thing okay with a blond on my dick but the ability to fuck my problems away is just one more thing Taylor has taken from me.

"I want the owner and I want him now"

" He's out at lunch right now"

I physically screw my face up at the thought of him putting anything in his mouth, especially any part of my girlfriend.

Reaching out to a shelf this time, I take my hand and swipe all the overpriced shoes to the ground

"I don't stop until he's stood right there in front of me"

"Are you looking for me?"

I know by the accent who it is before I even turn so I take the opportunity to grind my fist into his face before he realises it's coming. He stumbles backwards and hits the deck taking down another rail of clothing with him. One less for me to demolish I guess.

I hear the blond scream but it doesn't stop me because before he can recover I'm crouched over him. My knees on his arms to prevent him standing

"Did you think you were clever when you put your hands on my girlfriend? Did you think I wouldn't come here and make you pay for it?" He maintains eye contact and I don't like that

"She came to me, she was upset at you fuckin another girl"

"Only i wasn't fuckin another girl big shot. If you were any kind of friend you would have told her to find that out first but you couldn't help yourself, you wanted straight in her pants. Didn't you?" He doesn't answer that "DIDN'T YOU?!" my face is just inches from his I can feel I'm red and probably perspiring with fury but right now I don't care how I look as long as I look like I'm about to rip his balls off which I am about 2 seconds from actually doing"

"Yes"

Son of a goddamn bitch!

"Okay yes I wanted her, you knew it and so did she or she would have gone elsewhere last night"

"I'm gonna tear your tongue out and use it as a motherfuckin belt do you get that?!"

"Taylor deserves better than some over paid, over hyped, spoilt thug" the spit from his words hits my face and I can almost smell Taylor on his breath

My girl, MINE!

"I don't know what the hell she sees in you, but you were the one she wanted, even when she thought you were betraying her she wanted you. So you can hit me, wreck my business whatever you want to do but you had already won before you walked through the door, your arrogant head is just too far up your ass to see it"

I push myself up from him as though he had hit me with a blow to the chest but his words have hit way harder than any punch could

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have a store to put back together" we both turn away from each other and walk in different directions, him to his future, me to my past.

*************

"How've you been?" I ask Carmen, watching as she sips at her tea and smiles up at me lazily. I remember this girl for years ago, from before I got my hands on her

"I'm good, better than you anyways, you look terrible, have you been crying?"

Have I been crying?! I wipe my face and find it's wet

Fuckin hell!

I had been in such a rage driving over here I didn't know if I was laughing, crying, screaming or having a breakdown of some kind

"No I haven't been fuckin crying, what do you think I am?!" I snap and immediately regret it as she shrinks back under the knitted blanket she has over her knees. "Sorry, it's been a fuckin shitter of a day" she just nods knowingly and that makes me feel even worse because I know she's doing what she's always done, accepting any shit I throw at her, even now when she doesn't have to.

"So why are you here?"

"To apologise"

"To me?!" Her surprise just twists the knife

"Yeah, the way I treated you the last 2 years, that wasn't fair, you didn't deserve that"

"I chose it Travis, I chose to stay"

"I shouldn't have given you that choice, I knew you were ill I should have sent you away sooner so you could get help"

"We can't change the past, we can only make better choices in the future"

I drop my head into my hands. Why is she making this so easy for me? Why isn't she calling me out as the dick I feel like??

"What's happened? You seem different"

How can I tell her that Taylor happened without hurting her but how can I not when she's the only one that will know how different I truly am.

"Did you meet someone?"

"Carmen..." I warn her she probably doesn't want to hear the answer to that

"Its Okay, you can talk to me. Remember in college before we dated, we would talk about all the girls you slept with, if I rememember correctly we even kept a book with scores in case you needed an emergency hook up some time"

God have I always been the biggest asshole in the world and all this time I thought I was the number 1 man

"Yeah I met someone"

"You like her, I can tell, you're smiling"

Am I smiling just by thinking about her??? Fuck!!!

"You never smiled like that with me"

"Carmen I'm so sorry"

"You said that already. I accepted your apology. Tell me about her"

Where the fuck do I start? Do I tell her how beautiful she is? How funny? How she's so sassy and so sexy, how she makes me want to cuddle and drink tea from a mug?

All of those things feel too precious to share

"She kissed another guy. Let him feel her ass"

"And that's hurt you so bad it made you come here and apologise to me, she must be special"

So fuckin special

I don't deny she hurt me I think at this point it's written all over my face

"So what are you going to do? Dump her like I should have dumped you? Or forgive her and hope she never does it again like I did hopelessly over and over again"

"Taylor won't do it again"

"That's what I used to tell myself about you"