My Broken YOU

Games

As I walk to class, looking at plenty of students sitting on the grass and either talking to each other or studying, I realize this past weekend was a wake-up call for me. I easily could have kissed Mason. I easily could have done more, even though I don't have a clue what 'more' consists of. This means one thing. I have to lock Jared away in my heart and continue with my life like I am kind of already doing.

The two books I carry are for my history class since I have every intention of being a history teacher. I've always had this strong passion for history and as a kid that was the main class I focused on. When I reached teenage status, I studied hard and even won awards in a few competitions. My father saw how hard I worked, and he knew I was going to want to go to the best college. So, my dad did what any loving father would do. By the time I turned fourteen, he started a savings and every paycheck he put money away for me.

My mind wanders back to Mason the other night telling me he 'wants to be friends'. What does that even mean? Is he trying to tell me to stand in line and wait my turn for the 'Mason train ride'? Or am I overthinking this?

He seemed genuine and caring. Maybe I am overthinking all of this and he wants to be a friend and not try hooking up with me like all of the other 'one thousand' girls he's been around.

My eyes move from staring down at the ground to in front of me. Mason is heading toward me. What are the odds? And...he has a girl with him. That doesn't surprise me. But now I'm conflicted. Do I say hi, or just keep walking? My heart is telling me to say hi.

He's looking at me, but he's trying to make it so it's not noticeable. What do I do? They are getting closer. Maybe if I smile and nod?

I smile and exhale, preparing to wave my hand. He averts his eyes and instead looks opposite of me, wrapping his arm around the girl and completely ignoring me. Are you fucking kidding me? Was that his way of making it clear to me this weekend was just a helpful moment for him, saving me twice and moving on.

I scoff and roll my eyes. My hands squeeze my books tighter while I wish I could say something. But why do I care? Do I need to tell myself a million times I don't want a relationship? I can't care who he is with. It's not my business and I do not feel jealous...or so I think.

"What up, sexy lady!" Ava's voice calls out from my side.

Looking over on the lawn, I see Ava quickly advancing toward me, her wide smile and excited hop tells me she's in a great mood, unlike me. "What's up?" I say, my tone sounding rude but not meaning to.

"Woah!" She exclaims, her eyes widening as stops in mid-hop. "Someone seems cranky."

Exhaling a deep breath, I shake my head knowing I'm just overthinking and being dramatic. "I'm late for class," I say and look over my shoulder at Mason already far enough away from me. "And Mason Pembrook saved me twice this past weekend and now he just walked past me without saying a word."

"Was he with Shelly?" she asks, her eyes staring behind me, probably trying to see who he is with.

"No, he wasn't it was some other girl. I've never seen her around."

"Hmm." She adds, her curiosity seems to be driving her wild. "The fact that he didn't acknowledge you is a little weird. He can be a dick. But he's usually friendly enough to say hi, especially to a girl."

"I told him I was a virgin on Saturday." The words pour out of my mouth, not meaning to. "Oh, I can't believe I did that!"

Her wide eyes tell me that move was a wrong move. "That should answer your question then." She says, her smile fading. "He's not into girls that don't put out. He's an ass like that. You've only known him for a few days, and you should already know that."

"I don't know!" I say, looking over my shoulder again. "Something about him..." I pause and shake my head. "Saturday night made me feel like he wasn't the person everyone was making him out to be. He seemed different."

Ava playfully kicks the sidewalk as we reach our class building. "What do you mean?" She asks. "Like, he's hiding something, or just not being his full authentic self?"

"Full authentic self?" I playfully joke. "Since when you have started using that phrase?"

"But seriously." She says as we step up the last stair. "Is that what you mean?"

I hold the door open for her, she walks in, and I follow behind her. "Kind of," I explain, wondering if I'm just overthinking all of this. "He seemed like he had this like for me. I don't know. I have no idea why I even care. He just seemed like he was protecting me on Saturday and then the cold shoulder today."
"So, ask him," she responds, rolling her eyes. "Don't be scared. Just ask him how he feels. You know as good as I do, he is going to show up in your life again at some point. I mean, we all go to school at the same place and live in the dorm...well he lives in a frat house, I think?"

"I need to leave it be!" I argue, holding the classroom door open for her. "I don't care anyways. I am not looking for a relationship. I just hate it when people confuse me like that. There was no valid reason for it. No reason to give me the cold shoulder. And if he wants to give me the cold shoulder, then fine, but damn it! Don't make me feel like you're attracted to me and then give me a cold shoulder."
"I agree." she quickly adds, setting her books on the seat. "We should go to the football game tonight. Brayden is going and a couple of his friends."

"Like, Mason?" I ask, giving her the eyes that let her know I'm not interested.

"Oh, come on, Madison!" She pleads and scoots over for me to sit. "Even if Mason went, you don't have to be around him. If you don't like him, that's up to you. And honestly, he never goes to those games."

"Fine." I say, shaking my head. A part of me wants him to go, and that should be a problem. "I will go to this stupid game."