My Broken YOU

The End...For Now

The last time I was drunk was back in college, and even then, it was more like being buzzed at Brayden's Lakehouse. I haven't felt this way in quite some time and it's a little scary because the alcohol loosening me up brings an arousal to me.

The nightclub was nice but not something I'd normally enjoy, so this buzz was enough for me to convince Chase to drop me off back at home. Thankfully he agreed and may have been a little too willing.

The car lights shine on the entrance of my apartment making me feel a sense of relief. I don't know why, but I've had anxiety ever since I moved out of Providence. Maybe Mason was right. Maybe Providence was supposed to be my permanent home.

"Do you want me to come in?" Chase softly asks, while unbuckling his seatbelt. "I don't plan on going back to the club and I want to make sure you make it inside safely. You look a little drunk."

"I am," I admit while rubbing my hands across my flushed cheeks. "I'm warm and I've had more than enough alcohol. I'm not wasted, but I can tell I am going to sleep like a baby. And no, you don't have to come in. But thank you."

He hesitates and opens his door. "Do you mind if I come in?" He asks, his tone a little pushier.

I shake my head. "Umm..." I pause and look at my front door. I don't want him in there. I'm not going to touch him or anything like that, but I am aroused from the alcohol.

"Just to pee!" He admits, raising his hands with raised eyebrows and an innocent smile. "I've needed to use the bathroom since the nightclub, but you told me you wanted to come home so like the idiot I can be, I decided to just hold it and run you home first."

"Yeah!" I agree as I step toward the stairs to my door. "You're more than welcome to come in and use the bathroom." I exhaled a relieved breath and calmed down. "You're more than welcome anytime except when I'm too drunk and that's why I was hesitant."

"I understand!" He smiles and quickly steps around me, reaching for the door and opening it for me like the gentleman he is. "We are friends, and you want to keep it that way. Understood loud and clear. I've known you too long, Madison, just to lose that friendship over me being a dumbass."

I didn't say anything to him about being a dumbass. Why is he so quick to bring that up? What is he thinking about that I don't know about? "You're not a dumbass." I softly argue. "Why'd you even think you were?"

His eyes widen with a surprised look growing on his face. "Oh..." He pauses and I can tell he's not sure what to say next. "I just...in case I ever tried kissing you."

In my drunken state, even with memories of Mason lingering in my mind, there is an off chance that I will kiss Chase. I haven't been touched in months and that includes me touching myself. I am like a ticking time bomb with no direction.

"Don't," I say in a stern but quiet voice. "Don't kiss me. I'd...I just can't."

He steps toward the bathroom door, looking at me while taking one step back at a time. "I won't Madison. I told you. I don't want to lose this friendship that we have."

I nod while sitting down on the couch and thinking hard about what a kiss from him could mean. Is it cheating? No! It's not cheating! I am not with Mason! Is it right? I wouldn't know unless I kissed him. Should I kiss him? Probably not!

If I can go the past three, almost four months without Mason in my life, I think I can manage to go the rest of my life without him. I need to come to terms with this 'new norm' and accept it for what it is. Right now, is a good example. I am fighting with myself over Mason. A guy that's probably been screwing a thousand women over the past summer just to get over me. Or he's not over me and has been wandering around lost and sad.