My Broken YOU

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My heart still feels for him. I'm in love with him and I know I am. I won't admit it to him or anyone else. Not even Ana. I love her like my sister but some things I just need to keep to myself. This is one of those things.

My body feels like it is trying to move toward his as that hunger inside of me has fully returned for the first time since we split up. Every ounce of me feels like I could lie down at let him take full control over my body.

My brain is conflicted because my heart and body want what it wants. I'm smart enough to know how toxic this relationship was turning to and maybe that's why he split up with me. Maybe he even knew this was turning somewhat toxic. But the amount of time that has passed makes me feel like things could change. He looks good and healthy and maybe he's a different person.

The group of guys are playing pool in the living room while Ava is standing near Brayden, and I am sitting on a couch all alone as the night has taken over the beautiful sunshine we had earlier. There is this part of me that wants to go to bed but it's only nine and that's too early for me while everyone else is enjoying themselves.

"Hey, pretty lady!" Ava's voice brings me back to reality. "How are you feeling after everything that has happened today? The day flew by and you sat in the house most of it."

"I'm fine!" I say in a disappointed and slightly angered tone. "I'm just tired and I might go to bed."

I'm pissed that I do feel like my weekend has been ruined. One of the things that ruined it was my dumb ass blurting out loud that I still would sleep with Mason if I had the opportunity and now everyone here knows that, including Mason. And he has not taken his eyes off me for most of the day.

"I just want to check on my best friend!" She smiles and quickly takes a sip of her beer.

"You are gorgeous!" Brayden's friend John says, interrupting us. "You and Mason are not a couple, so that means you are available right?"

"John, no!" Brayden arguably yells while stepping closer to us, holding his pool stick in his hand. "I know we are all here having fun, but you're a little drunk and not someone she would ever hook up with."

"Oh, come on!" John drunkenly pleads. "I'm just asking. It's not like Mason is ever going to get into her pants again. She made it clear that she would, yet her expression earlier told me something different."

"What did you say?" Mason bellows and drops his pool stick. "She said leave her alone."

"Or what, Mason? Are you going to punch me too like you did Devin or Derek, whatever his name was? Hit me then."

"John, stop!" Brayden yells, the anger on his face growing as his jaw tenses. "You have big balls! We all get it. But Madison is off limits."

"What if I did want to hang out with John?" I get off the couch and interrupt them. I turn my attention to Mason to see his shocked expression.

"It won't happen!" Mason argues in a demanding tone, his face immediately turns red and his jaw is so tensed I can see the muscle and bone lines very clearly. "You're too good for him. It won't ever happen."

"Says who?" I bluntly ask, growing angry at the fact that he thinks he has control over me. "Say's...you? Mason? Because the last I checked I don't have a boss. I am my own person. And it's not a 'My Broken YOU' either."

"You're too good for him, Madison." He argues with a small hint of pleading in his tone.

"Okay, Mason!" John steps in front of me, almost like he's defending me. "She and I clearly aren't going to hook up. You win bro. Now let's get back to the game. I'm sorry."

I push John out of the way, growing angrier. My eyes pierce into Mason's, my facial expression yelling at Mason, and he knows it. I spin around looking at John. "You're right, John. We may never hook up. But Mason isn't my dad either.

My hands grip his shirt, pulling him into me and connecting our lips. It tastes like stale beer and vape products. It's disgusting but I want to make my point. I release him and pull away with a grin.

"What the fuck, Madison!" Mason yells, slamming his pool stick onto the ground. "Why would you kiss that pile of shit!"
"She's a good kisser!" John announces, adding injury to insult and wanting his ass kicked by Mason. "Her lips are soft as hell too. Now I see why she was the only girl to ever capture you, man! Why did you let her go!"

"You're going to die!" Mason yells, rushing toward John.

"Mason!" Brayden yells and quickly grabs onto the back of Mason's shirt. "He's your friend and Madison kissed him, not the other way around. Leave it be and let it go, man!"

"Let it go!" Mason loudly scoffs and releases one quick hysterical laugh. "I just watched her kiss him and I'll be damned if there is nothing that I can do about it! The hell with that!"

"Don't take it out on me, bro!" John argues, stepping back knowing Mason would kick his ass with ease. "I am officially the middleman, and I don't want to be. I don't want to play this game anymore! I'm sorry, bro!"

I turn around feeling accomplished that I pissed him off.

"Oh no you don't!" Mason commands as I head down the hallway. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To my room! Dad!" I argue and storm toward the bedroom. A part of me enjoyed that kiss, but NOT because it was John. I enjoyed it because I haven't felt any sense of pleasure since Mason and seeing Mason get angry was a small win for me.

I slam the bedroom door shut as I look back and see him following. "Why did you kiss him?" he yells on the other side of the door as I press my body against it. "He's a fucking pig!"

"Because you're not my father!" I yell and wrap my hand around the doorknob. "Leave!"