My Broken YOU

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"Maddy!" Ava's voice calls from behind me. "Hey, beautiful lady!"

I smile wide, knowing she's been so busy with her classes and to give me any time of her day is amazing. "Busy," I ask, shaking my head and looking at the pile of books in her arms.

"We are almost there!" she gleefully announces. "It's almost December and we will get our break. Then we just need to push through January, February, March, and April! Then we are done with this!

"I'm going to miss it!" I admit looking at the one book in my hand. "And why don't you have those books downloaded on a laptop or something? Wouldn't it be easier to carry?"

"It's hard to get these books. I must ask though! How was it with Mason on Saturday night?"

I raise my head and close my eyes. "A hickey!" She yells, allowing the entire campus to hear her. "Madison! Shame on you! I don't even know who you are anymore! Damn girl!"

"Can I be honest without you 'mothering' me?" I say, pushing my hair back over my neck area and trying my best to keep it covered.

"Maybe." She says as we begin to walk toward her class. Her smile tells me she might be a little against the honesty I'm about to shoot at her.

"I'm addicted and it's a problem," I admit and quickly bite down on my bottom lip, my nerves running wild through me.

"I'm sorry. I'm not catching on. An addict?" She questions. One of her eyebrows raises as she tilts her head the slightest bit. "Addicted to sex? Addicted to drugs? Oh my God! Never mind, it's sex. And yes, that is a problem. You can't be addicted to Mason Pembrook!"

"No." I softly say and avert my eyes. "I'm addicted to the feelings that Mason is giving me in bed. It's not just the sex. It's all of it. And I swear you might not believe me, but I think he's feeling the same thing. I am addicted to Mason Pembrook."

"I'm not doing this with you, Madison. Mason isn't a 'settle down' kind of guy and I can't keep telling you that. You had amazing mind-blowing sex with him again. But it's not going to continue. He usually sleeps with a girl once or twice. If the girl tries to cling to him, he might accept it for a bit and may go for a third time, but the moment you stop showing him any interest he moves on."

"How positive are you on that?" I question and fumble to grab my phone from my pocket.

"Anyone will tell you that. He might go for seconds, but he almost never goes for thirds, and sure the hell doesn't bother if the girl has begun to ignore him."

I hand her my phone. "If you were in our dorm room every once in a while, you and I could talk more about these things."

"What am I looking at?" She asks as her eyes begin to widen. "Okay! He asked you to stop by tonight. Prove my point to me, Maddy. Don't go. Tell him you're busy. Stay away from him and don't let him know you still show interest. He will move on."

"I'm busy today anyways," I admit and swipe my phone back from her. "But do I just ignore him, or do I message him back?"

She steals my phone from me again. "If you're addicted like you say you are, then I better message him." She smiles as she quickly taps her fingers against my phone. "Here you go!"

I rip the phone from her hands and quickly read the message. "You wrote that?" I argue and feel like she might be right. I'm complaining about the message but all it reads is, 'Sorry, busy tonight. Maybe another time. It's been fun.'

"I make it sound like you're not interested yet you're available." She admits, while spinning around toward the doors of the building. "If Mason Pembrook had actual feelings for you, he'd come crawling...which isn't something he has ever done."

I'm hesitant about leaving this the way it is but I can't let Ava know that. I do know I am addicted to the way he makes me feel and I don't believe anyone else could give those feelings to me. I don't want this to end with him, but I must let Ava help me through this. She's dealt with this while I am an amateur.

"Fine." I pout, even going as far as puffing my bottom lip out. "I'll leave it at that. Have fun in class and remember after class to meet me at lunch. I'm buying today. Pizza and root beer floats. I promised and I'm keeping it!"

"Deal!" She smiles and turns toward the stairs. "I'll meet you there! Don't worry about grabbing the food and drinks. We both can do that together when I get there. See you later beautiful lady."

"Later!"

That girl is my best friend, and I couldn't see this world without her in it. She's a pain in my ass but she's giving me a lot of advice in the past four years, and she's been there for me in the darkest of darkness. As much as I want to say she's wrong about the 'Mason' situation, she's mostly right. Mason has said over and over he doesn't want a relationship. I am fine with just sex with him if it continued.

"Note to self." I say as I zip up my jacket and realize my breath can be seen on this grey sky and cold day. "Get a new jacket."

As I turn around, I wonder what my parents would think if they knew the truth about everything. My parents have always considered me to be a 'good girl' and would never imagine me doing what I am doing. I remember Jared always reassuring them we'd never do 'that' until our wedding day.

I guess he was wrong, but I also now know he wasn't the love of my life. If he was, I'd feel guilty for what I'm doing with Mason, and I have zero guilt for the pleasure I am receiving from him. Thinking back on it, I also realize I haven't thought of Jared at all since Mason.

My phone vibrates, causing me to quickly look down and find a text from Mason. "Can you cancel your plans?"