Constant Repeat

Part 18.1

A/N: Well, clearly I need to stop deeming one or another chapter the longest of the series when I still haven't written the rest cos I'm actually equally horrified and surprised that this chapter is this long (41.3k words to be exact) - especially since I had to chop down a third of it to push it towards a new chapter. Yep, that's right - you lot are getting two more chapters after this one and the epilogue lol Anyway, I cannot believe I'm posting this chapter finally!!! Pinch me moment, really, but I hope with all my heart that you love it. Also sorry but I just literally finished writing this so it's not fully proofread so I'm very sorry if there's grammatical and spelling mistakes. Okay, I'll shut up now!! Enjoy!!! xxx

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Four days had passed since that stupid article had come out and Ella seemed to be working on automatic. She was trying her best to appear completely normal and unbothered while every word she'd read that day echoed inside her mind in an agonizing loop.

The giddy Ella that Ben had been teasing all day that Thursday was long gone by the end of the day. He had been completely ignored when he asked her what was wrong while everyone was saying goodbye and walking out the door to go home.

And the following four days were just the same: a blank expression on her face that only was exchanged from time to time for a forced smile she pulled whenever someone asked her if she was alright.

Ben had tried to joke with her on Friday, teasing her about being so down bad for Alex that she was missing him too much to function. But it had gone poorly. Ella had frozen in her place and stood up abruptly after a few beats of silence, grabbing her pack of cigarettes and lighter to take with her outside and her voice broke as she mumbled that she needed to go for a smoke. That was when Ben started to actually worry.

Even her coworkers had realized it was something far deeper than they'd been thinking when Monday had come around and she looked the same as the end of Thursday and Friday. At first, they thought she was just shutting down after coming back from her hometown, but she never let it drag on this much when that would happen. Usually she'd speak to her family on the phone on the weekend and that'd be enough for her to be cured of the homesickness, but this time it was apparent that it just wasn't the case.

They tried to cheer her up during lunch break, tempting her with an offer to take her to her favorite Los Feliz restaurant, but she shook her head to decline their advances. With an absent look on her face, she told them she'd brought her own food that day. No witty remark to hold them up to that offer in the future, just falling silently into eating—more like moving around—the lunch she'd packed herself the night before.

Even if she was behaving that way, she was fully invested in her work and whilst everyone appreciated the fact that work wasn't being halted, it just wasn't something anyone in the office enjoyed seeing.

So Ben and Aaron begged her to go home earlier that day, knowing she'd be willing to stay way past usual hours just to drown in the work that had accumulated slightly while she was in Tennessee. She had already caught up with a lot on Thursday and Friday, and the last thing anyone wanted was for her to burnout due to her seeking an escape from whatever was going on by working non-stop.

Ella's eyes were red from how long she'd been staring at her computer, editing pictures without a break once she came back into her office after finishing lunch—which had been a mere few bites of her pasta before threw it away. She still had two weeks to give back the finished product but she was determined to just do everything and anything she could to distract herself from her thoughts.

Staying at the office later than usual on Thursday and Friday had helped, and the weekend she'd spent alone at home had been beyond miserable, she needed the distraction that work gave her that Monday, and every day that would follow until her mind would stop racing and she could try to get over everything—force herself to forget about everything that had happened in Tennessee and forget about the hope that had bloomed inside her from it all, the one that made her heart break in a thousand more pieces the more time passed.