Our destiny

Relax

I went into the living room to not get angry at Ellie. I know she is overworked and tired but still her words hurt me. I don't think she wants me to sleep in bed with her tonight so I just make myself comfortable on the couch. I want her to sleep well so she has enough energy for her upcoming training days so I won't make her sleep on the couch. I lay down with a blanket and try not to think about what just happened. I don't want this to be an argument.

After a while I hear footsteps coming inside the living room. It's Ellie. She doesn't say anything and just comes on the couch with me. She lays herself in my arms. In this moment I can't be angry at her and just wrap my arms around her.

"I can't sleep without you." She says. I don't say anything. If she is feeling this about me why did she say what she said?

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." She mumbles after a moment of silence.

"It hurt what you said." I admit. I don't want to act like I just forget about it.

"I'm sorry, Leah. I didn't mean it. I know you just want to help me and I appreciate that. I'm just scared." She moves her head more into my chest.

"Scared of what?"

"Of messing this up. My living place basically depends on this job and now I also have you. I can't go back to America." She says in a cracking voice.

"You don't have to. You could just find a new job. They won't send you straight back to America if you don't have a job for a day. That is not how this works." I say in a calm voice and begin to stroke her hair.

"But where else should I go? I don't have a normal job like a doctor or something." She is about to cry.

"El, please don't cry. We will fix this. I will help you. Maybe the solution is to just get this Justin out of there."

"It's his building and his money. If he quits we all lose our jobs. I don't want that for all the girls." She says. She is right about that and I appreciate how she also thinks about the others.

"Should I tell him something? I would love to yell at him."

"No. I don't want him to hate you otherwise you can never visit me again." She says.

"Do you really think I just try to cover up the fact that I have sex with you?" I ask.

"I'm sorry that I said that. It's not true. I know you love me and I love you. I know that this is not about sex. I was just mad and said random things. I'm sorry."

"I hate that we have to hide our relationship there. It was never my choice to do that and it hurt when you said that I wanted that. I'm just doing this because I know how important it is to you." I say. I feel like I need to say this.

"I know and I'm sorry but I want you to know that this has nothing to do with my feelings. I love you so much and that won't change just because we can't show it in that one building."

"I know, it just didn't feel good." I say. Ellie turns around so she faces me. She still looks so tired. Yet there is a smile on her face as she looks at me. She reaches her hand out for me and strokes my cheek. I love it when she does that. She leans in and places a gentle kiss to my lips. It's like she says sorry again with that kiss.

"Do you want to come back into bed with me?" She asks.

"I thought you wouldn't want me to cuddle you." I say to tease her a bit.

"That was a lie. I can't sleep without you next to me." She says in a low voice.

"Okay then let's go to bed so you can finally get some sleep." We get up and quickly head back into to bedroom. We lay down and Ellie turns her back at me. I instantly get the sign and lay behind her. I wrap my arms around her body and spoon her.