Our destiny

America

After the failed proposal Ellie gave everything to make it up to me. She has been so sweet and I kind of forgave her but I will never forget it. I told Jonas that I will have to step out due to personal issues for a bit and Ellie sorted everything for our trip to the US. She called her friend and told her that we would come. We can stay in her house in California. I wanted to go to America with Ellie anyway but of course not under these conditions. I just hope she can sort this out. Maybe we will somehow still have a good time in California.

We are on the plane now. The flight will be long. We haven't really spoken yet. I don't feel like it right now. I wish we weren't here and I'm scared of what will happen in America. I look out of the window and into the clouds outside. Suddenly I feel Ellie taking my hand. I look over at her but don't say anything about it. I grab her fingers. It feels surprisingly good to hold her hand now.

"Is everything okay, Leah? You are so quiet." She says. She sounds worried about me.

"I'm just thinking." I say.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really." I shake my head and look outside again.

"Okay." Ellie just says. I like that she isn't pressuring me into talking now and just accepts my decision. I still hold on to her hand. This flight will be long and exhausting. I turn my head over again. Ellie is playing on her phone right now. I lean my head against her shoulder and look at her screen. I follow her playing sudoku. She got that from me. It's funny to watch how she struggles with all the numbers.

"A 6 into the top left." I say to help her. I hear her softly chuckling but she follows what I said.

"You're a nerd." She says and places a kiss to my head.

"Do you have a chewing gum in your pocket?" I ask since she always has a chewing gum in her pocket. Whenever I ask her she always has one for me.

"You know me. Of course I have." She says and hands me one. I start chewing on it to get the pressure off my ears.

"How are you feeling?" Ellie nervously asks me.

"Nervous." I answer honestly. I don't want to lie about my feelings.

"I get it but I promise you that I will work this out. You don't have to worry. You can just have a holiday while I fix this. I want you to relax and not think about all that the entire time."

"When will you visit Nina?" I ask.

"I don't know where she lives. I hope Becky knows more and then I will hopefully go there tomorrow."

"I want to come with you."

"You don't have to do that." She says.

"I don't know that woman. I don't know what she wants and what she is like. I want to protect you so I will come with you." I say. I won't change my mind. I can't let her walk into this situation on her own.

"I love your protective side." Ellie kisses my head and smells at my hair.

"I don't want you to get hurt or anything. I already failed at protecting you once. I won't fail again." I say. I still think about what would have happened if I didn't ignore her calls when Justin came to her apartment.

"You know, I don't blame you for that."

"I know but I do." I sigh. I won't ever forgive myself. Sometimes I don't get why Ellie isn't mad at me about it.

"Do you think it's cold in here?" I ask to change the topic and also because I'm freezing. The air conditioner is working good here.

"Slightly. Are you cold?" She asks.