Out Of Reach [Completed]

06. A dream I could never achieve

Chapter 6. A dream I could never achieve

Despite of him being this close, he was still out of my reach.

Ipinakita nito ang cellphone na hawak at nandoon ang nakangiting mukha ng babaeng kailanman ay hindi ko nagustuhan. "Tulungan mo akong mapalapit kay Kyrie." A part of me shattered because of that.

I couldn't compose myself after hearing what he said. I was still coping with the information. Ibig bang sabihin nun, g-gusto niya si Kyrie? Iyon ba ang dahilan kung bakit dinala niya pa ako rito sa coffee shop para sabihin lang ang putanginang bagay na 'yon?!

"Hey," Kumaway siya sa harapan ko.

Tumango muna ako sa kanya. "Syempre tutulungan kita." I should receive a medal after not stuttering, that wasn't what I expected. "Magc-cr muna ako." He blinked and I took that as a cue to stand up and went straight to the comfort room.

Pagkapasok ko pa lang sa banyo ay tumulo agad ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Iyan na naman. Ako ang problema! Ako ang umasa, ako ang nag expect! I wasn't contented of what they have given me. Iyon ang problema ko!

That was something I saw coming. . . takot lang akong harapin iyon. I tend to say to myself that he can love me if he'll fall despite of what he sees himself. Pero hindi! Ang lalaki ay lalaki. Sa babae ito mahuhulog, sa magandang babae!

"Putangina." I cursed under my breath. I shouldn't burst out in a place like this. Hinarap ko ang repleksyon ko sa salamin, pulang pula ang mata ko at nangangatal ang mapupulanh labi.

I was about to burst out more but a sudden sound came from the door stopped me. Nang makitang may papasok ay dali dali akong nag hilamos. I should've been cried over little things like that! Hindi dapat ako umiiyak dahil lang sa lalaking iyon!

Suddenly, the door went open and before me stood Zacharias who looks ravishing with his black turtleneck. Surprise was written all over his face. "Peter? Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Lumapit ang lalaki at hinawakan ang mukha kong pulang pula.

"Umiyak kaba?" Panibagong tanong nito.

I shook my head. "H-hindi, namumula lang talaga ang mukha ko't mata kapag nilalamig." That came from the back of my mind. I know that things like that are unlikely to happen. Gabi na rin naman kasi, baka kunin niya ang rason ko.

"Wala akong dalang jacket, shit!" He was panicking all over the comfort room looking for a thing that could reduce the 'coldness' i'm feeling. Mukhang binili niya ang rason ko kaya napahinga ako nang malalim.

"Rage and I talked about things," Sabi ko sa kaswal na tono. It took a lot of courage to say that straightly. "Sa research gano'n." Hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin na nandito lang kami para sabihin niyang gusto niyang mapalapit kay Kyrie.

He was surprised again for the second time. "Rage messaged me earlier too, he said that he'll be meeting with me here. I just came too early." Mahabang litanya nito habang kinakamot ang batok. I laughed at how he talk, ang cute talaga ng lalaki.

"What did he tell you?" He sounded intrigued and he lean closer to me. Lumayo naman ako dahil sa liit ng agwat ng mga mukha namin. "Wala wala, tara na at uuwi na ako." Hinila ko ang lalaki at sabay kaming lumabas ng comfort room.

Pinuntahan naman namin ang pwesto ng lalaki. I didn't look at him in the eye. I know that if I look into his eyes, I might get drown and never rises to the surface again. Ayos na 'yung alam kong iba ang gusto niya. Ayos na rin ang mga luhang ibinagsak ko kanina.

Dinampot ko ang bag bago tumalikod. "Una na ako Rage, usap na kayo ni Zach. Gabi na rin kasi." Sinabi ko ang lahat ng iyon habang nakatalikod. I know both of them were wondering why I am talking to them without looking. I just can't face him right now.

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sasabihin ng dalawa at umalis na sa coffee shop. Sumakay agad ako sa jeep at doon nagpakawala ng buntong hininga. Love isn't maybe for me. Si Rage pa lang iyon pero nawasak na agad ako. I can't fix my heart again after what happened.

"Manong dito lang po." Bumaba agad ako sa jeep pagkatapos magbayad. Nang makaalis na ang jeep ay napatingin na ako sa kulay berde naming gate. The color was my choice, favorite ko kasi ito. By that time, my family were listening to each other's suggestions and plea. Ngayon, hindi ko na masabi.

Binuksan ko ang gate at dumiretso agad sa pintuan namin. I knocked three times before twisting the knob. Nang magbukas ay dumiretso agad si Mama sa akin, bakas sa mukha niya ang paga-alala.

"Anak diyos ko, saan kaba nagpunta?!" She approached me with her eyes being teary. Halos hindi na rin ako makahinga nang yakapin ako nito nang mahigpit. "Nakalimutan ko pong sabihin, na lowbat po kasi ako." I reasoned out.

The truth is, I wasn't able to tell her where I was going because of Rage. Dahil sa kilig na nararamdaman ko kanina, para bang wala na akong ibang maisip pa kundi ang lalaki. I was daydreaming about having a date with him.

And it turns out horrible.

Mama and I drank coffee together, talking about how much we missed each other. Hindi ko naitanong kung nasaan na si Papa, paniguradong umiinom na naman 'yon. Matapos naming mag-usap ay umakyat na ako sa kwarto upang magpahinga.

Hindi na siguro ako kakain ng dinner. I don't want to carry another pain eating in that table accepting every word papa would say. Nang makaupo na ako sa kama ay napahiga na ako agad at tinitigan ang kisame.

Rage was the first one I have ever laid my eyes on. Given na marami talagang good looking sa buong university but he stands out among them all. He was emitting this aura that screams elegance and beauty.

Seeing him smile today had a place in my heart, and I would want to bury it there. Dahan dahan kong babaliwalain ang nararamdaman para sa lalaki, in this way, I could continue living my life.

That littlest time that we shared would be treasured, and I should be thankful for the time they have given me. Hindi na ako dapat pang mag-demand. Lalong lalo na ang mag expect sa mga bagay na imposibleng mangyari.

Hindi talaga para sa akin ang lalaki, at ipinamukha niya iyon.

Kyrie is beautiful, that is a fact. But Rage doesn't know about how rotten she is inside. I knew Kyrie more than anyone. We were childhood friends. At lahat ng gusto ko. . . nakukuha niya. I hated her for that. Pero hindi ako kailanman nag tanim ng sama ng loob sa kanya.

Ngayong magkalayo na ang loob namin, hindi ko pa rin tanggap. Na kahit anong gawin ko, makukuha ni Kyrie ang lahat ng gusto ko. She can get whatever I want. Iyon ay isang sampal sa mukha ko.

A tear escaped from my eyes, hindi talaga ako pipillin because in the first place, I wasn't in the choice. Hinding hindi mangyayari na mararamdaman ng lalaki ang mga nararamdaman ko sa kanya. He will never look at me the way I look at him.

Rage was a dream that I could never achieve. My distant star. The man that is out of my reach.