Spitting Image | Jeong Jaehyun

65

"You still haven't hung up the painting?" She asked, looking at the big canvas that took up the centre of his room as he walked back into the bedroom with a cup of tea in his hand

"Hmm? Oh actually...It's for you...Merry Christmas" he smiled and she parted her lips with slight surprise

"What?" She asked, watching him set down the cup against the table

"I want you to have it, use it as motivation to get back into painting...we have a spare room here and you-"

"No Jae...I-I can't take that...you bought it" She said, cutting him off and he smiled with a shrug, placing his hands in his pockets

"Yes you can. No amount of money can compare to the work you put into it... and I'm going to hang up spitting image instead" he said and she sighed, still not being fully convinced

"Plus you have a really good talent, I want you to get back into it. You could start selling them or get clients...I could try get connection-"

"No Jae...it's too much. I gave up on a career in art a long time ago" She said and he sighed, not understanding why she was so hesitant

"But why?" He asked walking towards her and holding the sides of her arms

"Like this won't sell...it's rare for paintings to be bought and-"

"Baby I bought this for like...four thousand pounds" he said, quickly converting the amount to the best of his ability

"FOUR THOU- You're joking." She scoffed at the fact that it was easily about 8x the rent she was paying in Korea

"I'm not, it's beautiful. I had to fucking fight some old guy for it at the auction" he chuckled and she sighed

"Why this one though? What made you want to buy it?" She asked, turning to look at the painting as he pressed his chest to her back, hugging her from behind

"I don't know...its just so...emotional. It like speaks an emotion that I don't know yet...if that makes sense?" He said, thinking about his initial thought when he saw the art work. She hummed at his interpretation of it, not being too far off.

"But actually...what's the painting about?" He asked and she sighed, sinking her back to his lightly as she relaxed in the warmth of his embrace

"I can't describe it but... it's about a type of pain that isn't understood by most people. A painting is perceived differently by everyone but for me...the red tears flow to the very bottom to show that the pain is neverending" she said, easing herself into the conversation about the painting that held such dark memories for her

"I was so upset and heartbroken when I painted it...I didn't know my parents would sell it" she admitted, a little embarrassed that a private piece had sold at an auction

"Did you go through a hard time?" He asked, watching her expression carefully as her eyes scanned the painting in front of her. He stepped carefully behind her as he noticed her lack of response, wrapping his arms by her waist loosely, hugging her from behind.

"Was it because of your parents?" He asked, resting his chin on her shoulder lightly, feeling her press her back against his chest to savour the warmth. She didn't respond, but when he felt a tear drop slip from her chin to his forearm, he instantly wrapped his arms tighter around her waist.

"I painted it the day I found out..." she trailed off, wondering if she really had it in her to confess it to him. He had just told her he loved her and she didn't want to ruin that, she wanted to be loved but she knew deep down she might end up hurting him in the end if she never told him.

"Found out what?" He pressed on, planting a soft kiss onto her shoulder as he listened intently, rubbing the side of her arm in a comforting manner to let her know that he was there.

"That I can't have kids." She admitted and his hands froze along her skin, head rushing as the dots had all started to connect in his mind. She felt her heart shatter to pieces as his grip on her body loosened, her mind filling with the most hateful and insecure thoughts, but the second she felt him tug her body around, her heart swelled.

She was met with a comforting hug, as he enveloped her whole frame within his arms, holding her tighter than she had wished and longed for. She let herself shift her weight onto him as he held her up, giving her strength as she cried into his shoulder while he rubbed her back to soothe her down.

"I had an ovarian torsion when I was like sixteen and they had to remove it...technically I can still have kids but I'll be at a very high risk for a miscarriage" She explained and he hummed as he listened intently, just wanting to be there for her in the present moment

"I'm sorry" Jaehyun mumbled and she sniffed, clearing her throat as she calmed down slightly.

"Why are you sorry?" She asked, resting her head along the crook of his neck as she sighed.

"I've been so focused on myself lately...I didn't even give you the chance to open up about it...I'm sorr-"

"It's not your fault. You were busy with Jihye and moving like...I seriously don't blame you at all Jaehyun" She said, looking up at him while he looked at her with a worried expression, arms still tight around her body

"You tried to tell me this in London...with Emily's pregnancy and I didn't even hear you out" he said, a sense of guilt clouding his voice and she shook her head

"I wasn't really ready to tell you then either, I couldn't even admit it to myself. Like all I ever really wanted in life was to have a kid you know?" She said and he nodded, stepping back so he could sit on the of his bed while she cradled his lap, keeping her arms wrapped around his comfortably

"But you can have kids right? Even if the risk is high...it doesn't mean it's impossible" Jaehyun reasoned and she sighed, running a hand through her strands as she shook her head

"I can't put myself through that. It's just so unfair" She cried and he nodded, reaching his hand up to the side of her face to wipe her tears away

"Like what if I finally decide to have a kid one day and get super happy and then next I know it's gone...and what If I can never get over this fear and just die all alone and old!" She mumbled and he couldn't help to break out a smile regardless of the seriousness of the situation

"I'll make sure that doesn't happen" he said and she broke out a chuckle, rubbing her eyes to look at his with puffy ones

"When the time comes to make a decision you'll know...and the person you're with then should love you just the same regardless of what you decide" Jaehyun said, lifting his hand to stroke the hair on her head.

"I know I would" He added, looking deep into her eyes as she melted at his words

"You're always going to be a mom to Jihye, no matter what happens between us. I want you to be around for her" Jaehyun said and Kira bit her bottom lip

"Are you sure? I had a pretty horrible mom growing up so I don't even know if I can...like what if I screw her up for life or something?" She said and he shook his head

"I can't think of anyone better than you...you make it seem so easy and...I like that she has you as a mother figure...it's the one thing I can't give her" He said and the two realised that no matter how flawed their personal situations were, when they came together they finally started to fill in each other's blanks.

"Maybe we are soulmates" Jaehyun chuckled, bringing her down with him as he laid his back flat against his bed and her heart fluttered at the statement

"You said you didn't believe in that" she said, pecking his lips before lying her head against his chest

"I believe in us." He replied, placing a kiss on the top of her head as his breaths started to get heavier as time passed, and the two eventually slipped into a slumber, tangled between each other.