Spitting Image | Jeong Jaehyun

39

apocalyse - cigarettes after sex

"...Jihye so much." He said with a sigh, slumping his shoulders and taking another deep inhale.

"After hearing what Taeyong said today I guess...I just started to think about Jihye. I don't know how I'm going to enlist with a daughter. Who's going to take care of her you know...God I just—I'm sorry" Jaehyun sighed, looking up to the ceiling to blink his tears away, struggling to let them out in front of her

"Hey, no it's okay. Jaehyun you can cry if you want, I'm here to listen" she reassured immediately, wanting him to know she wasn't uncomfortable by the idea of him being vulnerable. She placed her hand on his shoulder comfortingly, closing the proximity between them and getting him to relax a little.

He smiled a little, melting into her warm touch, his head immediately finding itself leaning onto her stomach. Her heart was racing, her breathing was erratic, but her shaky hands found themselves wrapping around him, wanting to be there for him, she could almost just sense that he was going through a hard time.

For the first time in a while, he was in his feelings. He allowed himself to think, to be silent and to worry. He didn't feel the need to be so strong with her like this beside him. He was a mess around her, but she kept him stable. When he was failing at parenting she was taking his place to take care of Jihye, when he felt like he wasn't doing enough as an idol she was always the first to reassure him that he was doing more than enough. And right now, while he was weak and vulnerable, she was as solid as a rock, holding him securely in her arms and running a hand through the locks of his gelled hair from the concert.

He forced himself to be strong, how could he not be? He had a daughter he had to protect from the whole world, he had a career to keep up, he had to keep his idol image for the sake of his company, he had to be there for his members, he had fans who admired him, he had reporters who watched his every move, and he had a daughter who needed all his love and attention. But above all this, he had Kira. And as much as he hated the amount of responsibility he had put on someone, he couldn't help but be grateful.

But like usual, he couldn't find a way to express it. He was always bad at that.

You've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye

"Do you want to dance?" Jaehyun asked, just above a whisper as he heard one of his favourite songs play softly from the speakers.

"What?" She asked, breathing out a shaky chuckle as she watched him push out his chair, standing to his feet and extending a hand out to her.

"Jaehyun I...no way—I can't dance" she said with a nervous laugh but he only smiled, reaching for her wrist like he did a week ago, an action that still had her crumbling. Except this time, he let his grip drop to her hand, and she instantly melted, following him to the middle of the room.

"Come on princess" he whispered, tugging at her hand to close the space between them, to which she immediately reacted by placing a hand on his chest to make sure she didn't crash against him.

"Jaehyun seriously, I can't dance" She whined and he chuckled, spinning her around to do a small twirl regardless. And now she faced him again, his hands immediately opting to rest on her waist while hers intrinsically wrapped around his shoulders.

Your lips, my lips. Apocalypse.

His forehead leaned to rest on top of hers, a few inches between their lips, noses already bumping against each others. And she was sure that he could hear her pulse through her veins, but he was too entranced, by her.

"Jaehyun—"

"I'm so happy right now." He sighed, closing his eyes. And who was she to deny this pure man of his happiness. She decided to go along with his rhythm, losing herself in the rhythm of the song.

Come out and haunt me, I know you want me. Come out and haunt me.

She found herself slowly swaying with the rhythm, pressing her chest to his, gaining the courage to fully wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, and followed suit with his tight hold on her waist. She looked past him through the window to the busy city that was dark at night, the dim ceiling lights highlighted her skin in the lonely room, her chin resting on his shoulder.

"You feeling better?" She mumbled into his white shirt and he smiled, resting his cheek lightly against the too of her head.

"Much better...thanks to you" he whispered back. And she didn't know he was speaking generally, giving her appreciation for everything else and not just this wholesome moment they were sharing, but she knew this moment was special, if not to him then definitely to her. And she realised that her heart wasn't thumping and skipping beats because he was an idol, it was going crazy because it was Jaehyun. Not the guy she saw on her TV, not the guy she watched when she was bored, not the guy she saw at concerts, and not the guy who sang sweet harmonies into her ears through her headphones.

He was Jaehyun who showed her a different side of her, one that protects, one that had a purpose, one that felt wanted—needed. He made her feel special, and whether he was aware of that or not didn't matter. She was grateful either way.

And the two souls swayed against each other peacefully, standing in the eye of a hurricane and finding peace within their hectic and troublesome lives, unaware of how they made the other one feel, but hyperaware of how felt within themselves. And for the first time in a while, they both felt butterflies, and they didn't deny it or shrug it off, they were genuinely finding peace within the other. But both held back, deciding to silently vow that they would be there for the other instead.

When you're all alone, I will reach for you.
When you're feeling low, I will be there too.