Ain't Shady Baby, I'm Hot

61

I didn't see Rafe as I took our laundry downstairs to get it washed, I'd wait until the morning to dry it knowing I wouldn't be able to stay up any latter.

I stared at the spinning clothes for a few moments. My thoughts pounding against walls as I tried to lull them to sleep. My eyes fluttering slightly as I sagged against the wall, it was time for me to go to bed. Turning and going back upstairs the house felt empty.

It was quiet. The soft creak of the floor reverberated loudly. The upstairs almost felt abandoned. Even though beyond that door there was someone, I couldn't help but still feel alone. A tug of dread pulled at my throat.

I quietly pushed my door open, barely making it inside when the door opposite of me groaned. A crack opened to reveal the tall blond. His hands were in his pockets and a somber look painted his face. I stopped closing the door and stood staring at him. Waiting for him to say something. Waiting for him to do something.

But he never did.

He was waiting. Waiting for me.

I knew after everything I'd regret it. I'd regret doing something just as much as I'd regret not doing something.

My hand rose, arm straight with my decision. My limb an olive branch for him to make the next move.

"For the last time." I whispered, a small lump forming at the sides of my throat. He dipped his head.

Silently, his large warm hand gently wrapped around mine as he closed his door behind him. My door then shutting behind the two of us.

I let go of his hand walking to the far side of the bed and shutting off my nightstand lamp, the moon's glow filtering in through the curtains as I lifted the sheets and blankets and slid into bed. Rafe following my actions as we laid side by side.

I made the first move, sliding towards him and raising his arm to cross over my hip. His right arm dropping and sliding under my head as I leaned into his chest. His shirt soft and smelled of him. Much different than the shirt he wore last night. I brought my left hand to rest by my face, my right snaking around to hug him closer. My leg lifting to go over both of his as he slid his left higher between mine.

We were pressed against one another. Like a puzzle, we just clicked in place.

He gave a squeeze, pulling me in a little further before he relaxed, his head resting on top of mine. I let my eye flutter closed as I greedily and happily took in his warmth.

I was completely wrapped in his hold. and unlike this morning I didn't panic. I felt safe. I shut the door of my nagging thoughts, willing myself to dissociate from everything but this feeling.

"Goodnight, Rafe." I murmured, not expecting the beckoning of sleep to come so quickly.

"Goodnight, Xena." I felt a soft strum of his fingers along my covered spine and my body completely relaxed. All tension disappeared as darkness drew me forward.

A kiss of words caressed my face as I dove under. The meanings not retained as I sank. Further and further down I went.

"If you were any other girl, Xena. It would make all of this so much easier."

Until it all went away.

________•*•*•*•________

I was sweating. My body turning every few minutes as I tried to fall back asleep. My blankets too hot my room too cold. And my bladder was full and crying.

With an angry growl I woke myself up. My hands ripping the blankets off me as I sat up in bed. The room was pitched in darkness. My watch reading two o'clock as I rose from the mattress. Sleepily sliding my feet across my floor as I took off to the bathroom.

My brain not registering anything more than the need to pee.

Groggily I did my business and washed my hands, body already trying to sleep as I clumsily made my way back. My bedroom door closing behind me as I pulled up the covers and swaddled myself back in. A sleepy, content smile on my face as I smelt fading hints of mahogany and sandalwood.

And a hint of ocean.

My eyes slammed open, my body bolting upright as I stared at the covers around me.

"What?" I whispered, climbing out of bed, making my way to the guest room. The door closed where my fist hovered before knocking. When there wasn't an answer I pushed the door open. The room black as I squinted to make sense of the space. Some objects coming into view as I made my way to the bed. The neatly made bed with no one in it.

"This--I, what?" I trailed off as I looked up and saw the large window open, a frown on my lips as I made my way over. I stuck my torso out of the window.

My eyes scanning the darkness as if it would provide clues. A signal with reasons behind it.

I walked out, closing the door and tiptoed down the stairs. The soft lights illuminating the area as I saw everything the way it had been when I started the washer and went back upstairs. Nothing out of place.

When my search of the house ended I felt this weight pressing into my chest. A weird pain that made breathing a little harder. It was the same dull tug I felt in my throat earlier that night.

Alone.

Had I imagined it? I couldn't have. Everything from opening the door and taking him in, to going to sleep last night. There was evidence he'd been here.

I flopped onto my bed, curling back into myself with the blankets wrapped around my form. My nose pressed into the fabric as my thoughts burst free of the locked room I'd placed them in.

I'd really tried. These last 48 hours I attempted to paint him as a good guy. That the war I willingly started could have been ended. Only for reality to come back and smack me across the face.

He got what he wanted. Then he left.

Leaving me with the lingering question of what I wanted.