Ain't Shady Baby, I'm Hot

89

"So. Was the ring your idea or your dad's?" The click of his bedroom door shutting filled the pause.

"Mine." I turned hearing him walk over to me as I hovered at his bathroom. I held the ring between my pointer and my thumb.

"Nice touch." I deadpanned lifting the ring between us. "Is it your grandma's? Wheezie's old costume jewelry?" I poked even though it was clear this wasn't fake.

"I told you," he plucked the ring from my fingers, stepping closer. I tried to breathe through my lips to avoid the suffocating smell of him. "It's a birthday gift."

Run.

He held out his other hand, asking for something. But I had nothing to give him.

Abort. Abort mission, abort.

"What?"

"Your hand, Xena. Give me your hand."

Get out of there!

I set my hand on his open palm, my brain facepalming as I watched him carefully slide the gold jewelry onto my right ring finger.

Stupid. Stupid girl.

It fit nearly perfectly. Just snug enough that it wouldn't fly off but loose enough I could pull it free if I needed to.

"Happy birthday, Xena." I turned my head to the digital clock on the bedside table.

12:01

Birthday for sure. Happy? Maybe in a different universe.

This is definitely not where I thought I'd be for my eighteenth birthday. Ask me nine months from today, two weeks from today, maybe even two days from today.

And nowhere in my timeline did I see myself in Tannyhill. More specifically in Rafe Cameron's bedroom being blackmailed.

"Is that the time? I need to go. I have to get up early tomorrow morning for my internship." I pulled my hand away from his hold. My fingers curling at the lack of warmth.

"I can drive you?"

"I'd just need a lift to Tauti's. 7 o'clock. Oh, and uh, can I borrow one of your button ups?" I walked past him to the door.

A smirk creeped onto the corner of his lips.

"You're taking the secret relationship a little too seriously." My mood dropped.

"It's for the internship. Dress code. But you know what, don't worry about it." I had my hand on the handle, opening the door.

"Wait. Xena-"

"Save it, Rafe. Don't do anything more that you'll regret." It was a low blow, but it did what I needed it to do.

My back leaning against the door as I shut it. The wood the only thing stopping me from falling as I felt the weight pulling me. Stretching me.

You have a job to do.

Get up.

I pushed off the door, my feet softly thudding against the wood as I went to the room next door. The same cream walls and low poster bed of the guest bedroom greeted me as I closed the door behind me.

My eyes already heavy as I let myself crawl under the covers. My sobs soon ripping from my mouth.

I cried for Sheriff Peterkin.

I cried for Big John.

I cried for John B.

I cried for my Pogues. For JJ. For Pope. For Kie.

I cried for Sarah.

I cried for Ma and Gray.

I cried for Wheezie.

I cried for Rafe.

"Hey. Hey, just let it out." I turned, letting myself latch onto the body that had joined me in bed.

"I hate you. I hate you so much." I whimpered as I held tighter.

But I cried for me the loudest.

I screamed silently the hardest.

I poured my rage, my hate, my pain, into the ducts of my eyes.

I let my strength crumble down like a house of cards. Fragile. Flimsy.

I batted away the small bloom of guilt as I let myself go.

I let myself weep in the protection of the night. Strong arms shielding me from the outside world as I felt my internal one crumble.

My world that I knew was shattered in the matter of seconds. The events of this summer tearing and shredding what I thought I knew.

"Please." My voice broken, "Stay."

"I won't leave. Not again." I sniffed trying to stifle my tears for a moment. I lifted my chin to look up at the eyes in the dark room. Eyes that swirled with grey and blue. He tightened his hold around my frame. Mindful of my left side he pulled me as closely as he could and set his chin on my head.

And as my eyes fluttered shut, I heard a soft, steady hum low in his chest. Sending me off to sleep.

_______•*•*•*•_______

I felt movement jolt me awake. My hands clenched into fists around the fabric in front of me and pulled myself closer. The moving stopped, everything stilled as I slowly blinked my eyes awake.

The first thing I saw in the morning light were my hands. Knuckles tightly wrapped around white cloth as I dug my fingers in. I released the hold on the shirt. A gold glint reflecting off my right hand.

"Say a word and I'll gut you."

"Morning to you as well." I turned away from him and threw off the covers. Cold air shot my legs. A groan leaving my lips as I sucked it up and embraced the morning.

"What time is it?" I slid off the other side of the bed, my bare feet touching the soft carpet.

"6:32, your alarm was going off. I shut it down." I ran a hand through my hair, keeping my gaze away from the bed.

"Thanks." I walked to the bathroom, obviously avoiding looking to the right.

"Why won't you look at me?"

"Because if I look at the bed, I'll want to crawl back in. You just happen to be there too. Doesn't matter to me though. In fact, you may actually be a deterrent." He laughed as I slipped into the jack and jill bath and took care of my business.

I cleaned up a little, washing my face, brushing my teeth, poking at the swelling around my eyes, before heading back into the room. My eyes falling on the blonde who had sat up and pressed himself against the headboard.

"Yup, definitely a deterrent." I fibbed forcing myself to walk over to the nightstand with my clean clothes piled up. A light grey button up on top. "I need to leave in twenty minutes. I'll meet you outside."

I left him laying on the bed as I went back to the bathroom. Locking the door behind me. Never letting him say a word.

At the soft creaking of the bed I stilled. Listening to the padding of his feet, I heard him walk to the door, open it then leave. The quiet click of the door returned the room to silence.

I sucked in air as I made eye contact with myself in the mirror.

"Happy birthday, idiot."