If only it was FOREVER | ✓

Chapter 9

"The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained."

                                                                                                                                         ~ Anonymous 

"Daddy! Again please! Move me around. I want to do it again" I said. "Oh Ash! I am tired now. Let's have a break and then we'll do it again" dad said. "Okay daddy!" I said. "Ash, let's play hide and seek, shall we?""Yeah! Let's play dad!" I replied. "You count and I'll go and hide, okay?" he asked. "Okay dad. I'll count till 10 and then I'll come to find you" I replied. ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN "I am coming" I said. I looked for him all around the house for almost 20 minutes yet i hadn't found him. "Dad! Where are you? Dad? Daddy, where are you? Dad I am scared" and I began to cry. Just then he came down running. "Oh Ash, what is it sweetie? Why are you crying? dad said. "Oh daddy! I was scared. I..i c..could't ff..find you. I th..thought y..you left m..me" and I cried out loud. "Oh dear! I'll never leave you. I promise. The day I do, you may hit me hard okay?" and he engulfed me in his arms. 

       "Daddy! Daddy! You said you won't leave me! Where are you daddy? Are you hiding again?" I screamed. "Ash! Baby, what is it? Ash! Wake up Ash! Ash! Open your eyes sweetie" Cara said. I opened my eyes and I found myself in the hospital with my head on Cara's lap. "What is it Ash? Did you see a dream?" she asked. It was 3 AM in the morning and everyone had left except Jay and Cara. Jay had fallen asleep and I think Cara had slept too but I woke her up. "Cara, dad said he won't leave. He promised me that he'll be always there for me. He asked me to hit him hard if he ever left me. I don't want to hit him. I want to hug him. I want him to hug me" and I broke down again. Cara hugged me tightly. "Ash, baby stop crying now. He'll always be there with you. Maybe not physically but he'll always guide you. He loved you a lot. And sweetie, he may come back. Let us not give up now" she said. She wiped my tears and I put my head again in her lap.

     "Miss Trevelyan?" a voice woke me up. It was the doctor who had been looking after my father."Yes doc. Is everything alright? Is my daddy normal now? May I go and see him?" I asked. His head dropped down. "Miss Trevelyan, I am sorry. We tried our best but the head injury was just too severe. I am sorry" he said. "What are you saying doctor? You mean to say that he left me? You mean to say that my dad is a liar? No! He is not a liar! He never does fake promises. He promised me he won't leave me so he won't! I know that" I said. "I am sorry" the doctor said and walked away. "Cara, look at that man. Such a liar.Come let's go and talk to dad. We'll tell him all about our trip" I said. Cara stood there and looked at me. "Ash, he is gone. He is not with us anymore" and she started crying. "Cara please don't listen to that man. He is such a jerk. He called my dad a liar. He is alive. I know that" I said and went straight into the ICU. I went to my dad whose face had been covered. "Daddy! See, I am back. Wake up daddy. There is so much to tell you" I said to him. He didn't respond. I kept on talking to him for almost an hour but he didn't say a word. "DADDY! ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE! WAKE UP NOW! WAKE UP!!!" I screamed and started crying. "Ash, he is gone. Hold onto yourself dear" Cara said to me. I hugged her tight and cried out loud. This was just too much for me. My dad couldn't leave me just like that. There is no one to look after me now. Nobody whom I could call my family; my actual family. I am an orphan now. No parents, no relatives. Just Jay and Cara. But then they couldn't support me always. My studies, my food, my survival; they can't fund it. I know they would try to do as much as they could but I don't want to be a burden to anybody. All these thoughts made me cry even more. "Ash, let us go back to my home" Jay said. I don't want to leave my dad. But I had to.

    We went to Jay's place. I had stopped crying by now but that didn't mean that I had absorbed all the pain. There was more. More than I could ever take. More than I could ever think of. "Ash, drink some water" Cara said. Cara had been holding my hand for I don't know how long. She didn't leave me even for a minute. She stayed there with me all the time. She did all she could to help me even when she was herself broken. I wish I could support her but I couldn't. 

  "Jay! Please come inside for a while" Jay's mom called. Jay had been sitting with us and he had been discussing about my college and my house with his father. He went inside. Meanwhile, I and Cara had been sitting together and were discussing about my father's job, the various policies he had taken and about his other properties. It was very clear that I couldn't manage all of them. It was nearly impossible. So we had to look for a alternative. After 15 minutes or so, Jay came back. He seemed very unhappy. One reason was my fathers' death. But there was something else too. "Ash? What is it?" Cara asked me. "Cara, I feel Jay had been crying for a while. Will you please go and check?" I said. "Okay dear! I'll be back in a while" she said. She went to Jay and they both moved into the balcony. I sat there thinking about my dad. Just then I heard Cara crying. I stood up from my place and went to the balcony. She stood there in Jay's arms and was crying out loud. 

"Cara,Jay, what is it?" I asked. Cara looked towards me and then came and hugged me. "What is it Cara? Why are you crying so much? Is it only because of dad?" I asked. "Ash" Jay said. "I am sorry. I know I shouldn't be leaving but mom said we have to. I don't want to leave you and Cara in such a state. I asked mom if I could stay but she said that it is important for us to leave" he said. LEAVE? JAY IS LEAVING? "What are you saying Jay? You are leaving this place?" I asked. "Yes Ash! I am so sorry dear!" he said and started crying. NO! NOWAY! HOW CAN HE LEAVE? "Why Jay?" I asked and tried to control my tears but they just flowed down. "Ash! don't cry please. Mother says its important. I don't know what is it. I am really sorry Ash! I am sorry Cara!" he said. "And Ash, he says that he will be leaving by the end of this week" Cara said and started crying even more. OH GOD! ALL THE WORST THINGS IN A SINGLE DAY? I started crying too.We three sat together and cried for almost 20 minutes and then we walked in. 

      It was 8 PM now and I decided to go back to my place. I don't want to trouble people anymore. Cara insisted me to stay at her place. She even said that she can even stay at my place. But I told her to go back home. She was tired now. She had cried a lot and plus she had taken care of me as well. I loved her a lot. She went to her place and I came back to my home.

     My home wasn't the same place now. It was different, completely different. All the happiness, all the colors had faded away. I was all alone now. I went to my dad's room and sat there for a while. I kept on crying as I looked around. His photos, his clothes, his shoes, his office files - everything was lifeless now. They were just memories now. I cried and cried till I fell asleep. 

    When someone so close to you leaves, you could feel a hollow space created inside you. I could feel that. I could feel all the emptiness that the loss of my father had created. Death is inevitable. This is the most brutal truth. We all know this. Yet we are just not ready to accept it or deal with it. 

  In situations like these you realize that some people are just meant to be there in your life. Cara was one of them. I know she would never leave me. The way she had taken care of me today was surprising. She was herself broken yet she managed to fix me. 

   I loved my dad and I'll always love him. I know he is around me and he'll always be with me.

Nothing to say. Just wanted to thank you all and remind you that do vote. :)