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29. birthday

pls vote pookies xx

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Sitting at the dinner table with my family, jade, Ellie and Alice made me think back of the moment we were deciding if we wanted to have a birthday party or a dinner. I chose the dinner because i never liked to throw parties myself. But Louis did like that so we decided to do both. It also made me think of when my mom asked me if I'd invite harry. We just started getting along and he had met my mom that day. Everything was perfect. "No" I said multiple times but deep down I was hoping he'd be there. Now here I am. Sitting at the table without him. Instead of him there was Ellie.

As depressing as that may seem, I was enjoying that evening. I was sitting at a big table with people I love so much eating my favorite meal. It was the day before my birthday and I hadn't heard from Harry anymore. I was hoping that the reason behind him being silent all of a sudden was the realization that I was actually pissed. But I still wished he was a little bit more desperate. I liked that he was the one running after me instead of me running after him. 'See you on your birthday 12 o'clock'

Was he talking about tonight or tomorrow night? My birthday was technically in a few hours but he wasn't very clear. I was hoping it meant tonight because I was kind of curious about what he had to say and with what lame excuse he'd try to change my mind. Even tho I wanted to be angry at him the repeatedly 'last chance' worried me. In what way did he mean that? I knew I was probably overthinking but at the end of the day it was still Harry.

The hours flew by because that's how that goes when you're having fun for once. Everyone started to leave and I was hoping it was close to twelve since the curiosity kept growing and growing. It was 11:56 and those 4 minutes felt like 4 years. I wasn't even sure if he was going to come here otherwise I would have to wait another 24 long draining hours.

I kept walking around in my room. And finally I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. And again. And again. And again and again and again. I unlocked it but it wasn't him. It was just a bunch of happy birthday wishes and Instagram notifications which did infact mean it was twelve.

I smiled scrolling trough all of the notifications and gasped when I saw that I got a text from Harry. I quickly opened it only realizing how desperate I looked when he was still online.

Harry:
Happy bday

Not what I expected. I had hoped he would've asked me to open the door for him. Or come outside maybe. But no I had to wait for another long day.

The text was so dry. Did he even mean to wish me a happy birthday or did he just felt obligated to? I stared at the message for a little while and then realized he might've thought I wasn't about to reply so I typed in a quick thanks and put my phone back in my pocket.

I changed into my favorite pyjamas, lighted some candles and got under my sheets when suddenly the door opened. It was my mom. But she wasn't alone. She brought a big ass cake with exactly 18 candles on it. I smiled and sat up at the sight of her walking towards me with a huge smile plastered on her face. She started singing happy birthday and put the cake on my desk. I smiled at the sight and joined her.

She sat next to me on the bed wishing me a happy birthday. "Cake at twelve?" I asked looking at her. "Oh I just wanted to show that off It's not for now I'm sorry" She laughed. "Felt like something was missing tonight." She whispered holding one of my hands in hers. "Louis's sense of humor?" I asked and she giggled lightly slapping my thigh. "That too. But I meant someone." I knew exactly what she meant but acted dumb. "Oh c'mon sophia what's going on?" She asked and I just closed my eyes.

Because actually, what was going on? In general? No one had ever had as much of an effect on me as this stupid boy had. He was such a big impact on my life. But when I thought about the future I didn't see him and I talking about our stories to people. I see me talking about our story to people. I did not know why that was. Maybe because he himself doesn't even see himself in the future. Which is a shame. He is so much more than he thinks, than people think, that I think even. Never had i ever met someone quite as special as him. But never had I ever met someone quite as cold as him. He was so perfect but so wrong, so loving but so scary. Was he the one that was scary or where the feelings rushing trough my body when I thought of him the scary ones?