tutoring styles

20. favorite person

Please voteeee ☆

I didn't know how to feel about the fact that he was coming over but I also didn't want him to not come here. We were being childish and dramatic and needed to talk about the whole always fighting thing. It wouldn't take him long before he'd be at my house so I started to light some candles and clean up my room so it would look clean since he'd never seen my room in it's usual state.

He texted me telling me he arrived so I walked downstairs and open the door for him. Like expected there were hickeys in his neck, dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked pretty messy. But all of that was nothing new. One thing was new tho and that was the hug he gave me right before I could say something. At first I didn't know what to do and then I just wrapped my arms around his body the same way he did to mine and I actually enjoyed it. He smelled great, I loved his smell. "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you" he whispered still in the same position. "Let's have this talk upstairs it's freezing." I said and closed the door.

When we got to my room I sat on my bed and he awkwardly stood infront of it. "Harold sit down" I said and he chuckled and sat down in the chair Infront of my bed.

"Can we please not make this weird" I said feeling an awkward vibe. "I'll just talk and talk ant then we'll see" he said looking at this hands.

"Okay so basically, I'm shit at communicating and I'm sorry you had to find that out the way you did. I treated you like shit, while you treated me a way no one else has ever treated me; with respect, and kindness. I'm so grateful for you soph and I wish I was better at showing that but I'm just not and there's nothing we can do about that, I'm working on it I promise. And don't think I don't care about your feelings soph I really really do, I just don't know how to start conversations, or show any emotions that aren't madness and sadness and even that, sadness I'm not even good at showing that emotion- are those emotions? Yes? No. Yes. Whatever you get what I'm saying I just hope you understand me and can forgive me. And I also hope that you understand, that the reason I'm shit at communicating isn't because I'm rude, but because I'm not used to feeling strong emotions and strong feelings. But when I'm talking to you soph I just feel... I can't explain it but it's the worst feeling but it's also my favorite feeling, it's a scary feeling but it's so addicting. And you care about me and I hate it but I love it and I wish I could tell you every single detail about me but I can't. No I can but I can't. I can but I'll regret it. You wouldn't see me the same. I'm scared that you'll think differently of me. Not that you think any good of me at the moment but I dont want to lose you but I don't want to keep you close either because I'm scared. I'm scared I'll get too attached and then you'll leave, because you're not like me. You have people that care about you and you care about people, you communicate with people and people like you, people love you even. You have special interests, you are smart, you are beautiful you're just perfect. And I'm... I'm just fucked up. Everything about me sophia just fucked up. I wish I wasn't born sometimes, but for some reason believe it or not I have faith in the future. Once I'm out of here I can live a life I deserve. And maybe I'll start feeling better and feeling more. If that makes sense. But that's not the point the point is that... Sophia. You're my favorite person. And i dont even know you that well but i want to get to know you that well and I want to spend more time with you because i feel so different around you. You're just someone i want and need around, so please sophia don't hate me and be my friend, or we don't even have to be friends you could just be a person that hangs out with me or even just texts me or whatever I just don't want to lose you before i really get to know you"

I had never heard him talk that fast nor say that many words. He was breathing very fast and still wasn't looking at me. All those words, all those descriptions, all those explanations...

"Thankyou" I said smiling at him and he finally looked up. "What?" He asked confused. "Are you being sarcastic? Are you angry? I swear I wasn't lying. Every single word wa-" "Harry thankyou" I repeated before he started rambling again.  "For opening up, I know it isn't easy for you and I know it took a lot of courage but you did really well, so thankyou for doing it I appreciate it." I said still a smile on my face knowing those words meant a lot to him by seeing his face.