tutoring styles

17. HARRY'S POV

REREAD CHAPTER "IGNORING ME" TO UNDERSTAND THIS BETTER!!!

TW: talking about SA

Harry

November 2nd

Sophia and I hadn't talked to or seen each other ever since I had left her house. It had been two weeks and I didn't know what I was afraid of.

Whenever I saw her in the hallways I would just nod at her not smile or say hello because I didn't know if she was mad at me. So when I noticed that she in fact was mad, I would switch tables whenever she came to sit at our table.

After a few days I started to spend a lot of my time with niall even after school hours. Did I like it? Not one bit. But did I have to do it? No, not particularly. But I still did it. Because I needed to know what Sophia saw in Niall, I needed to see how sophia wants me to be. I needed to know how to be perfect for her, and I needed her to like me as much as she liked niall and maybe even more.

Niall always kept talking about how he was mad at football players because of the way they played or how he used to eat worms as a child or even worse, how he spent so much time with sophia.

I felt bad about the way I treated Soph. She was the only one that cared about me. She was the only person that saw I wasn't okay. She tried to make me feel better, she even let me spend the night. But there we were, not talking to each other and not even looking at each other.

And it was my fault, and as much as I regretted it, I was too afraid to apologize.

At first I tried to tell myself I didn't care about her. I tried to tell myself that she was just some girl that happened to have a heart and care about other people.

But that wasn't true. I did care about Soph, a lot.

All I wanted in those two weeks was just to call her and tell her how sorry I was and how big of a prick I was to treat her the way I did. All I wanted was to walk up to her and just hug her and stay there for some minutes, hours, days, weeks, just forever. Because that was the only place I felt safe. Wherever she was and I noticed it too late.

Even our tutoring sessions, whenever she'd just tell me "you did good I'm proud of you harry" or "are you okay you seem off" I got this feeling only she could give me.

But I was scared.

Scared that I would let her help me, and scared that I would tell her everything and feel safe with her but then run away again. And when I do, she knows everything.

I didn't want people to know what was going on in my house, in my heart and in my head. I didn't want people to try to help me or make me feel safe.

But that was exactly what Sophia was doing and I fucking loved it. But i was scared. Just like I had been my whole life.

November 10th

More than a week had passed again. And still, nothing. In that week a lot had happened and I needed Sophia. I was actually a little mad at her for not noticing I needed her help. She knew I would never come up to her to tell her I was in pain, but she didn't do anything. But unfortunately it wasn't that easy and I couldn't blame her. I would be mad too.

I didn't know where to go anymore.

Home felt like hell, but I could escape from that place for a few hours.