Soulless

Twenty Eight | Soulless Killer

Lunden Evergreen

I moved off campus. It felt dumb to move in with him, but I wanted to so badly. I already lived there full-time, this was just a more official step.

I was paying for a single I never stayed in and now two weeks later. I still don't regret it, I don't have that gut feeling that it's wrong. Instead, I find myself more in love with him. He catches me staring at him most days, but you would too if you were me.

Eleanor supported it, and Verena joked that I was right under his nose which confused El. She'd been looking out for me, there were no new updates in my case. I knew it as well because Atlas didn't leave as frequently since I stopped killing.

I didn't want him to be onto me, but I didn't want him to devote more of his time to this. I couldn't stop him, I couldn't stop loving him. I wanted to, I wished I could but I couldn't. Because when I pictured my future I saw him and it hurt.

So if I continued what I did, that future would be gone. I wasn't done, I'm never done. But for now, for us... I was going on a break. Unless there was an SOS, there was someone that bad to bring me down. I'd be away, I'd be playing it safe like the coward I truly am on the inside.

He didn't ask me questions after I talked about Abigail. He wanted to, he told me he wanted to but not now. I was still grieving because I wasn't allowed to for so long. I still feel those repercussions on darker days.

Today was a different day, it was a different person on my mind. I knew I was digging a rabbit hole asking this of Verena.

"You sure?" She asks me for the third time.

"Yes, I'm sure" She turned back to the computer, and as she entered codes that were far too complicated for me to understand she paused again.

"You said her name was formerly Josie Cowell and she would be twelve now?" I nod and she turns back to the computer, I watch as she faces it away from me. It's a tactic to protect me, but I knew she'd be fine. I chose to believe she was fine, that she was finally loved because I loved her. But she deserved the love of a Mother, I couldn't give her that at sixteen.

A smile slowly formed on Verena's lips, I knew she had found her. I found myself hesitant to ask, but before she could get a word in Verena turned the screen.

It was her picture day photo for sixth grade. Her brown hair was longer now and straightened, she had braces, and they were pink. She had a navy nautical headband that matched her school uniform, she looked happy.

"She's an A student for twelve" Verena smiles, "Her activities include painting, horseback riding and she likes magazine collaging" I was the one who taught her how to do that just as a little kid. She helped me pick out the scraps and I'd help her paste them, I saved every last one.

"Parents are Linda and Brian Tierney, they own a law firm out in Manchester Village, Vermont. That's where Josie attends her prep school and horseback training. Her parents both ski, and she's an only child. They just adopted Josie" I stare at the photo of her, she deserved the happiest of childhoods. She deserved the entire world.

"Her parents don't even have a speeding ticket, squeaky clean. Linda ran for mayor but tapped out because her Mother was dying and decided to focus on family, which boosted her ratings" Verena chuckles with a smile.