Soulless

Thirty Four | Mothers Day

Atlas Thayer

Her hand squeezed mine tight in the cold waiting room. Her head leaned on my shoulder as I felt the tapping of her leg against mine, she was anxious.

She was fourteen weeks along now and made it through her first trimester. I still felt the guilt of missing parts of it, not being here. Holding her hair back as she began to get sick, assured her that she could do this, she'd be okay. But she was strong, I knew she didn't need or rely on me. But I still felt bad.

I was excited, I'd be seeing our baby for the first time on a screen. The little creation of the mix of me and Lunden. I never saw us having children, not in the way that I didn't want them. I knew I'd like a family someday to heal my own. But Lunden never expressed an interest and I respected that. I just knew whatever she wanted, I'd do. Because she is my forever, the woman I'd tie myself to one day call my real wife.

"Allison Thayer?" Her alias is called by a nurse in green scrubs as a smirk grows on her lips. She stood taking my hand in hers as we moved towards the nurse. My wife Allison Thayer.

"How are you folks doing today?" She asks warmly as we walked down a dreary pink hallway, but Lunden doesn't mind. Instead she's smiling while squeezing my hand.

"Excited to see our baby, I've missed the little bean on the screen" The nurse chuckled and cracked open the door to the room. I helped Lunden onto the examination table as I stood beside her. She checked her vitals and blood pressure then exited as we waited for the doctor.

Her hand was shaky in mine and as I stared at it she knew I was worried, "I always get nervous about seeing the baby" Her hand moved across her little bump that began to pop out more this week. I loved seeing it, it reminded me that I have a family. It was Lunden, Pepper and now our child.

The handle clicks and the door opens to a lady who stood in dress clothes with a tablet in hand. Her eyes met Lunden's as she looked up with a smile and then reached me.

"Mrs.Thayer, it's great to see you back and this time with your husband" I watched as a blush slowly filled Lunden's cheeks. It was fun to play the role of her husband in this town, I'd barely gone into it. Nobody had known I'd been here and I didn't make chatter with others on my walks with Pepper. But here I was, her husband.

"Nice to meet you Dr.Wrenn" I shook her hand as she started up the ultrasound machine. She began to ask Lunden the occasional questions and then applied her blue latex gloves. For some reason I was expecting a tech to come in. But instead she stayed with us the whole time.

Lunden's hand squeezed mine as the cold gel squirting against her stomach. She laid back looking up at me, admiration in her eyes. The white probe is placed on her stomach and it takes form on screen. I see their little head and nose as their feet look disconnected from its body from this view.

But my heart races at the sight of it. I feel every emotion begin to swirl inside of me and as the little patter of the heart beat fills the room I feel my eyes water. I look to her without hesitation she pulls me in, my lips quickly connecting with hers.

"Our baby" I mused as her forehead leaned against mine.

"Our baby" She proudly replied back.

Our eyes drew back to the screen as we watched it move around on the screen. They moved around fast kicking their feet, I wondered if she could feel it. But I knew she would've mentioned something about it. But the doctor smiled at the sight of us.