Colorful Flowers

✿》33 - Almost There《✿

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I wake up breathing hard. Stupid nightmares. I open my eyes and I look next to me and Bea is still sleeping. I don't know what time it is the clock is on Bea's side and she is blocking my view. I try and sit up but I am immediately pelted with pain all over my body and I whimper a bit trying not to wake up Bea, but of course she wakes up at anything and she starts to stir. She opens her eyes and looks at me

"What are you doing up? It's 5am" Bea says

"Nightmare" I mumble to Bea

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" Bea asks

"N-no" I say

"Ok, what can I do to help?" Bea asks

"Can we turn on nature documentaries and cuddle?" I ask Bea

"Sure" Bea says

Bea gets the tv remote and turns on the tv. She carefully brings me closer to herself and I lean my head on her shoulder. I watch the nature documentaries not saying anything. I just want to get the picture of Lily's dead body in my arms out of my head. Why can't I just forget everything that happened. I want to forget. Please let me forget.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" Bea asks after a little bit

I stare at the tv for a bit and sigh. I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to talk.

"No" I say to Bea

I'm starting to become closed off with everyone and I know it. If I keep it in then it will go away after a little bit. I keep staring at the tv letting everything fade away. I can go deep into my mind back to District 12, back to the lake where I am happy and I am back with the Covey. None of this happened and I never went to the Capitol. We never met Coriolanus and Lucy Gray never went to the Hunger Games and everything would be ok and everything will be normal. I just want everything to go back to normal. I don't want to be here anymore with the fancy clothes and all the rules and all the tall buildings and parties and fakeness

"Briar Rose? Briar Rose?" Bea asks taking me out of my thoughts

"Yeah?" I ask

"You're staring into space" Bea says

"Mhm" I say

"Talk to me" She says

"It's nothing" I say

"You're acting different Bri" Bea says

"I'm fine" I say to Bea

Bea sighs and looks back at the tv

"You don't get to say I am different. You've only known me for two weeks and those two weeks were awful. I wasn't me" I say to Bea

"That's true, but I know you are different right now" Bea says

"Because I am still processing everything that is happening. How are you not like me right now?" I ask Bea

"I had a lot of time to process" Bea says

I sigh and I keep looking at the tv watching the documentary that is on the tv right now. I don't get how everything seems ok with Bea. I am falling apart in the inside and people know it. Why can't they see it with other people too? How is Bea so put together she was there longer than me. It was so much longer than me

"Miss Ring, your parents are here to get you" A nurse says to Bea

Bea starts to get up and my eyes go wide and I cling on to Bea