Colorful Flowers

✿》40 - Back to School《✿

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Today is the day I start school again. I'm not sure how I feel about it. They haven't told me anything about if I have a new tutor or not. I'm laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Right now it's breakfast but I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat. I hold Cuppy close to my chest trying not to overthink everything. My clothes for the day are already laid out, but if I avoid getting dressed then maybe I won't have to do school. I'm super anxious about today. The last time I had school I got kidnapped. What if I get kidnapped this time too. I don't want that to happen. I hear and knock on the door and I close my eyes turning to my side and pretending to be asleep. I don't want them to know I have been awake this whole time. I hear my door open and someone sits on my bed. I hear Lucy Gray humming and she starts to stroke my hair. This is usually how she wakes me up when I have to get up at a certain time. It makes everything easier when waking up. I whimper a bit and I turn away from her. I don't want to go to school it is making me nervous

"Sweetheart it's time to wake up" Lucy Gray says

"No" I mumble to Lucy Gray

I can feel my chest tightening even more and I can feel that burning sensation in my throat when I am trying to hold back tears

"You have to eat breakfast before school" Lucy Gray says

"I'm not hungry" I say to Lucy Gray

Usually when I say I'm not hungry it's either because I'm not hungry or I'm anxious. I've gotten used to the schedule here so I am usually hungry when we have each meal. I can feel Lucy Gray get under the covers with me and she pulls me closer to her

"What's wrong Bri?" Lucy Gray asks

"Nothing" I say opening my eyes and looking at Lucy Gray

"Something is wrong. You never refuse food unless you are too anxious to eat" Lucy Gray says

"I'm anxious about today. It's my first day back and the last time I had school everything went wrong and I am scared that is going to happen again and I just don't want to go to school" I say to Lucy Gray trying not to cry

"I know, but nothing will happen to you this time. I promise" Lucy Gray says

"I don't want to go" I say to Lucy Gray starting to cry

I really don't want to cry, but everything feels so overwhelming and I really don't want to do school again

"Ohh sweetie" Lucy Gray says hugging me closer to her

"I want to go home. Why won't Coriolanus let us go home for a visit" I say to Lucy Gray crying harder

"I dunno hon. Why don't we write a letter to them before school" Lucy Gray suggests

I nod a bit and wipe the tears away from my eyes

"I-I want to send half of my candy from Halloween to them" I say to Lucy Gray

"Ok, you start writing and I will go get the candy and a box" Lucy Gray says getting paper and a pen out of my side table draw and handing it to me

I nod and take the paper and pen and Lucy Gray gets up walking out of my room. I look at the paper and I sigh a bit. I am going to tell the Covey what I saw in Coriolanus' office. I don't want to tell Lucy Gray quite yet what I saw because I want to tell her without the fear of Coriolanus hearing us

Tam Amber, Barb Azure, CC, and Maude Ivory,

I know I haven't written in a while and I don't know if Lucy Gray told you what happened but I was kidnapped and I was there for 2 weeks. It was awful and I hated it. It took a long time for me to recover from everything. Lucy Gray and Coriolanus just got married. I am starting to trust Coriolanus less and less now. I don't get why he doesn't allow me and Lucy Gray to visit y'all. It's unfair and I miss home a lot. I know everyone says it's never ok to sneak around someone else's stuff, but I had to sneak around Coriolanus' office. He has been acting more weird than usual and I had to find something out so I snuck into his office. I found a few things in his office that were bad. Y'all know the book I read about different chemicals and poisons since I found it in one of the trash cans that someone threw away. Well I remembered a lot from that book and I found an older looking book than the other books and I wanted to know why and I found cyanide in the book. I was surprised and scared, but I had to find out before anyone woke up so I put it back and went to his desk. I found a secret draw in his desk and I found a list of people and there were names crossed out and more people on the list. The crossed out names are people he killed. I knew because the first name was Bobbin which I found out he killed him in the arena when he was talking to Lucy Gray in the meadow. I'm not afraid, but I haven't told Lucy Gray what happened yet. I am going to tell her I just have to make sure it is only me and Lucy Gray at the house before I tell her. Y'all are the first people to know what I have seen. I don't know what I am going to do with the information yet, but when I do I will tell y'all. I also found out that Coriolanus is going to each one of the Districts to make some kind of propaganda speech to everyone in the Districts. That means he is going to District 12. I am going to see if I can get him to take me and Lucy Gray with him, but I am going to have to make it not known that it is me. I am hoping that he will take us anyways, but he is going to District 12 on May 1st so hopefully I will be able to see everyone then. I will try and sneak away and maybe we can go to the lake or something like that to swim since it will be nice in District 12 by then. I really miss y'all a lot. I wish we could come visit more, but Coriolanus is stupid so who knows. I wish we never had to come here to the Capitol. I have to start school again today and I am not excited about it. It is making me anxious and I want to come home so Lucy Gray suggested writing a letter to help with the homesickness. I wish you all were here. Y'all would've loved the wedding. I performed at it in front of everyone it was so nerve wracking but I felt great after. Lucy Gray was so happy after. Y'all know that it is one of her dreams for us to perform together one day and now that I have performed that dream can come true. I really hope we all get to perform together. I have my own guitar and everything now and I love it. That's really everything that has happened since the last time I have written. I hope to hear back from y'all soon. I also put half of my Halloween candy in the box. Halloween is when you dress up in a costume and you go around and people give you candy. It seems fun for Capitol kids, but since I sound different from everyone they knew I wasn't from the Capitol and I got called "District scum" a lot. It made me sad, but they are just stuck up and can't get over something that happened over 10 years ago. Well that's it. I miss y'all so much and I love y'all