Red, White and Royally fucked

-6-

Henry

I've never really felt bad about leaving someone after a hookup before, but this time I had almost stayed. It's good that I didn't though, because I will never be able to give him what he wants. He wants a boyfriend – or a girlfriend. He wants a family. Everything that I do not want. I don't want to have feelings for anyone. Feelings get in the way, and you always end up getting hurt, so what's the point? Still, even though it's been a week, I find myself thinking about Alex again and again.

"Henry, you are spacing out again. What's wrong with you?" Beatrice is looking mildly concerned.

"Nothing." I sip my drink hoping she'll drop it. Instead, I look around at the new bar we've gone to, since I got us thrown out of our regular bar. "This seems... nice." I hesitate slightly. It's not at all as good a place as the other one, but beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

"It's a dump. But someone couldn't keep it in their pants so now we have to suffer." Bea grins at me.

"Right..." I mumble. Bea doesn't know everything that happened with Alex. She knows we hooked up, but that's it.

"There they are," Bea stands up and waves as I snap my head around just to see what I've feared the most. Alex is with Nora. Fuck. I thought it was just going to be Nora. I don't think I'm ready to see him just yet. Not when I still haven't been able to stop thinking about him. This is going to be a very difficult night.

"Wow, this is a shithole." Nora says and kisses my sister. I move over on the bench, making room for Alex even though I know I shouldn't. it's not good for my sanity to have him this close.

Nora and Bea take the bench across from me, and Alex sits down next to me. I discreetly glance in his direction. He is still so fucking gorgeous.

"I'm gonna go to the bar, what do you guys want to drink?" He asks.

"Gin." Bea's eyes darts between me and Alex. I can tell she is trying to decipher what is happening between us.

"Make mine a beer" Nora is caressing Bea's hand on the table as she speaks. Such a small gesture, but I can see the love and affection these two have for each other.  I shake my head as I try to remind myself, that I don't really believe in love.

And then it's my turn. As in slow-motion, Alex turns his head to me, and when I look into those soulful eyes, I can see the same longing mirrored as I have for him, and it kind of freaks me out.

"Nothing for me, thanks" I mumble, and Alex smiles and nods, but it's a fake smile. I can tell. Then he gets up and go to the bar.

"What did you do?" Bea asks, a lot gentler than I had expected.

"Nothing. I swear, I haven't done anything stupid."

"I can see that you are handling being friends better than I expected, but what I meant was..." she cast a sideways glance to Nora then back at me. "Did you, like, fall for him?"

"No of course not!" I instantly get defensive. Which I know is very stupid. And unnecessary.

"Alright, alright. Calm down, Hen. I was just asking." She says but the gleam in her eyes clearly says she doesn't believe. I sigh and roll my eyes then I follow Alex to the bar.

"Alex." I put my hand on his shoulder, and he tenses up beneath my touch.

"Changed your mind?" He asks without looking at me, and I'm surprised at how disappointed I am that I don't get to look into his eyes.

"I actually just wanted to make sure that we are okay... I mean, uhm... I tend to hurt people unemotionally by just being me, and I don't want that to..."